Saturday, July 30, 2016

When it rains it pours

Today both the bikes had problems.  My trike had a back flat tire and Rick's bike had a clutch cable that broke.  So there we were, out on the road with two bikes both broken down.  What a dilemma!  Rick aired up my tire and we limped on over to the Yamaha shop where they couldn't help Rick because he has a Suzuki, but I ordered a new rear wheel, and they are also going to work & fix my Voyager Kit for me.  They did tell Rick to go to Lexington's Suzuki shop to order himself a clutch cable.  We will do that when they are open, maybe tomorrow Rick and I will travel to Lexington to see if we can buy a clutch cable wire for his bike.

Right now we are waiting to see if my back tire holds air or goes flat again.  If it holds up we will take it and go get something to eat.  It's Saturday night and we both need a good meal out together as friends again.

I got a second chance.......

Yesterday Rick called and asked me to come pick him up, so I went.  We had a nice talk, or he talked to me and laid down the new set of ground rules for our relationship as friends.  They were the same rules that have always been in place as far as our friendship goes.  I finally got the answer to why he got mad at me and he said that he was tired and that was all.  I apologized  to him for the way I behaved and it all ended well.  We are back to being good friends once again.  End of Story..........

Friday, July 29, 2016

The verdict is in: RLA (my friend) says that he doesn't think it will work out between us...........so

I'm taking one day at a time.  I got a good nights sleep last night and spent a short time with an old bf who I find enjoyable being around.  He always says the right things, and he managed to lift my spirits up, if only for the short time I was with him.  He always says that he loves me bunches n bunches, so that is always comforting to hear.  Maybe not so believable, but comforting none the less when I am feeling down.

I only consented on going over to see my old bf because he called and said that he was out of toilet tissue, milk & bread and I had some extra here that I wasn't using, so I took it on over.  Most of my current supply of food was passed down to me by another friend, so I just passed it a little further on down the line.   God wants us all to help each other and to share our bounty when we see someone in need.

I'm sure that I will be okay now that I have been told by RA what the problem was on Sunday morning.  If I would have known I would have acted appropriately and amused myself for the day (Sunday) without a problem.  But the real problem was that I didn't know what the problem was, and I became offended and I reacted poorly, and of that I am sorry, very sorry.  But sorry won't bring my friend back to me in the same condition that he used to be.  Things have changed so much, that I don't think that we will ever get back to where we once were, to that innocence of friendship.

I just have to turn my life over to God and let Him show me the way.  Let Him lead me in the right path, the path that He wants me to follow.  I'm sure that He has something great in store for me if I just have the patience to wait.  

Thursday, July 28, 2016

How to start the month off with extra money

I checked my checking account and was surprised to have more money in there than I have had in a very long, long time.  The secret to having extra money is not to leave the house.  I have been home since Sunday, not leaving the house for any reason at all, so I have not spent any money, nor used up any gas in any of my cars and bikes.  Bills will be coming due soon, so this new found money will not last long, but at least I do know, and have known for a long time,  that each time I leave the house, I spend! spend! spend!

I'M SORRY

Been home all week thinking things over and how I over-reacted to things I shouldn't have even reacted to, as a friend. I need to stop taking life and people so seriously and start enjoying myself again. I hope that my friend and I can continue being friends and I'm sorry for the way things turned out between us.  I'm hoping that he will forgive me for the way I acted last Sunday.  It wasn't a very adult thing for me to do and I acted like a child throwing a temper tantrum over something I didn't even understand.  I would still like to know what it was that I did, but that's really not the most important thing anymore.  What is important to me is my friend, and I hope he comes back so that we can continue on.  I've spent these past few days crying and if I hurt my best friend in any way, I'm so sorry and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  He knows that I would do anything for him, and that I'm a good friend, so I hope he calls me and all is forgiven.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

All I want is to feel happy again

To this day I still don't know what happened between Rick and I.  We were fine one minute and not the next.  I have no idea what I did to cause him to stop talking to me, and it bothers me to no end not to know what it was that I did, so that I won't ever repeat that type of behavior again.  I miss my friend and I hate how his behavior towards me caused me to slam doors and to run off on my trike.  I came right back and wanted to talk, but he refused and left. I wanted to know what I had done to deserve this, but he wouldn't tell me.  

I still cry thinking about how good everything was between us, and I want to know why his mood changed so suddenly towards me.  We had stopped at McDonald's and that's when it all went haywire. He turned his back on me while we sat on the front bench and I knew then that he didn't want to be seen with me, afraid that someone might think that we are more than the friends that we are. Personally, this bothers me a lot and it hurts my feelings that I am not even good enough to be seen in his company.  It's like he is ashamed of me.  Of course I can't tell anyone how I feel about this, because it's my problem and my own personal hurt.  I just accept it like a good little trooper and pretend that we didn't arrive together or leave together.  Heaven forbid that anyone should think that we are more than friends, but that's all we are.....just friends, and if nobody wants to believe this, then it is not my problem.  I can't control how people think, but God knows that we are only good friends, and He is all that counts.

I wish I could stop crying about Rick, but I can't.  It's still like an open sore that won't heal up.  I haven't gone anywhere since he drove away and have locked myself in the house away from everything and everyone.  I won't call him because I won't beg for his friendship.  That has to come freely on its own.  I wasn't the one that left without an explanation only saying that we needed a few days apart.  And I wasn't the one that hurt him and made him cry.  I didn't do anything but react to his behavior, but when I react, I do react badly.  Of that I am guilty of and only of that!

I try to treat everyone nice, just like I would like them to treat me.  I'm a good person and the last thing that I want to do is to hurt anyone.  I know from past experiences how it feels to be hurt, to suffer heartache and loss, and that's the one thing that I would not wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

All I want is an explanation and then he can go away if that is what he really wants to do.  I'm too insecure for anything less, and I refuse to be treated badly.  If I have done something to offend, then I also deserve to know what it was that I did, so that I won't make that mistake again.       

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

When you love your friends too much....

I got a good nights sleep last night and I'm feeling better emotionally this morning.  I just need to accept what has happened between my friend and I.  I always thought that friends couldn't hurt me, but I was very wrong, they can cut your heart out with a knife just like a lover can.