Friday, March 10, 2017

Thanking God / Feeling Blessed

It's a GREAT MORNING and a good day to count my blessings.  My family is on the mend.  We have all been sick, had colds and pneumonia.  Brian is doing better and is out of the hospital and for that I thank God.  He still needs prayers, so I will continue to pray for him, and for Reva who I know has worried herself to death over Brian, her mother and Tabitha.

Rick & I are doing well and are still good friends, as he likes to call us.  He's at work today and I know will come home very tired, and in much pain.  He's only worked 2 days this week, as his body won't allow him to do much of anything, without pain.  This weekend he'll spend with the heat pad on his back and an ice pack on his feet.  The heat pad will be moved between his lower back and his cervical spine (his neck).

I'm feeling great as I said in the first paragraph.  My head is still a little stuffy and I sound like I feel bad, but I don't.  I feel fine, and I'm thanking God for this new day and for each day He chooses to give me.  I also thank God for Rick who brings me much happiness these days.  I know that Jimmy would have liked him.

Thursday, March 09, 2017

Hen n Rooster UPDATE

The hen and the rooster are doing well at their new home.  We pass by to see how they are doing and they come to greet us.  This tells us that they must have been someone's pets, but that is only a guess.  Yesterday the hen was deep in the thicket, so when the rooster appeared without his hen, we feared that a fox or coyote had gotten the little hen, but after some calling, she finally made her appearance.  We were so happy to see her, and also happy to see an old abandoned house in the middle of the thicket which we had not seen before.  This made us much more at ease with their new home.  Now we know how they weathered the bad storms and the rains that we have been having.  They are using the old abandoned house as their own private hen house, and someday when we pass we may see baby chicks.  We were also pleased to see that the thicket is so over-grown that it would be difficult for the hawk we saw sitting in a nearby tree to dive down and swoop up the chickens.  Rick said that he is bringing corn with him the next time we visit the little hen and the rooster.

Monday, February 13, 2017

I wish he hadn't, but he left on Saturday

Anyway, Rick is gone…..all of his things are packed up in my Saturn and I don’t think he will ever consent to coming back.  I would hope that deep in his heart that he really does love me in some way, but that’s just wishful thinking on my part.  I love very deeply and I expect others to love me back with the same passion that I love them…..But sadly, that’s not the way it is.  It is always one way only.  I love them and they don’t love me.  All Rick had to do when he walked in and found me yelling at Jimmy’s picture and crying was to hug me tight and tell me that everything would be alright.  But NO, he couldn’t do that.  He never does that.  He takes it personally as if it is all about him.  I’m still grieving the loss of Jimmy and most of the time I keep it hidden, but then at times it resurfaces and messes up my relationships.  If only Rick’s old girlfriend that he loved so much had died, he would understand what I’m going through, but he doesn’t and never will until someone he loves with all his heart dies leaving him behind.  Maybe someday he will understand me, but as long as he is not here he won't.

I am so sorry for the way I reacted to Rick when he spoke on Saturday, and I owe him an apology.  I think I was having a break-down when he walked in....it sure felt like it.  I did things that I thought I would never do to Rick, and one of them was to ask him to pack up his things and leave.  He didn't deserve that.  He's a very nice guy who I love being with.  He makes me laugh and we have so much fun doing things together.  He's a real true friend, as he likes to be referred to, and I sure do miss him.  

I have been so distressed over this that last night I had chest pains.  There have only been 3 times in my life that I have been stressed enough to have chest pains, and that was in the death of my ex-husband, the death of Jimmy and now with what's happened between Rick & I.