Good Monday Afternoon

I've been pretty much doing without eating sugary treats and candy.  It's not because I want to lose weight, but that surely would be an added benefit.  It's because I don't want to tempt Rick into eating anything that I might have laying around the kitchen.  He was diagnosed with Pre-diabetes a few months ago, but he didn't pay that much attention to it until his doctor's appointment this past month when his A1C was 7. The doctor ordered a blood sugar meter tester and he has been using it once a day, usually in the mornings when he wakes up, but now and then 1 1/2 to 2 hours after a meal.  Other than the very first day of testing his blood sugar has remained in the normal range, even after meals.  He's doing very good and I'm very proud of him.

But, getting back to the point of this post.......I started writing here that I am feeling great without lots of added sugars to my diet.  My mood has improved and my brain feels energized and energetic.  Of course my body doesn't feel so energetic, but my joints are also not hurting like they used to, even on hard rainy or cold days.  

My cellphone just updated and things have changed and I really don't like changes much.  I went to open my email and I couldn't find anything at first and I have some important receipts that I was keeping in there.  Well, I finally figured it out, but I had to stop posting here until I did.  I'm OCD about certain things.

I'm just rambling now, but the one thing that I'm really OCD about is clutter.  I always tell Rick that everything in this house has a home, a place where it belongs after you have finished using it.  It's like talking to a wall and when he needs something and can't find it I repeat myself like a crazy person, and tell him that if he had put it back where it belonged, he could have easily found it.  But he doesn't listen, so when he's finished using something of mine, I put it back where it belongs.  I'm ashamed to have anyone visit because of all of Rick's clutter throughout the house.  At first it was limited to his room which is like a very messy walk-in closet, then it spread onto the bar in the kitchen, the dining room table, into my computer room and now into the living room.  I've become a terrible housekeeper.  It's way too hard trying to clean when you have to move clutter from here to there and then back again.  The end table next to his seat on the couch has become his private medicine cabinet, and to assorted papers and tissues.  He saves every empty gallon milk jug and there's just no room for anymore in my computer room, so I sneak and crush and deflate them and sneak them into the trashcan.  Enough about my messy house.  I was feeling great and I don't want to depress myself with thinking about all this clutter.

It's a rainy day here today and the rain is right on schedule according to the weather person.  I was going to look for a good Netflix TV series to begin watching, but so far I haven't found one.  If you have any suggestions let me know in the comments or text me if you know my number.  Goodbye.  

Oh well......

I don't know what changes have occurred here in the blog world lately, but some of my thingies, like font size and stuff have been changed.  It's not a big deal tho.  I've been away from real blogging for so long that I no longer know how to do much of anything here.  I don't know how to correct or add new links, and technical stuff.  I guess that doesn't really matter tho because I can still type.

I need a new laptop and I've been looking around for a few months now, but I want to keep everything the same, so it has to be a Mac, but they are so expensive that I'll have to downsize a bit.  I think I can handle that since I have been using my small smart phone like a laptop with an extremely tiny screen and any improvement to that should be just fine.  I really hate having to get a smaller than a 17" screen, but I'll just have to adjust.

I haven't taken such good care of my Mac as I should have because I don't know how to do anything on it but look up stuff on the internet.  I never even learned how to update it, nor do I know how to make new folders so that I can sort my pictures into something of any semblance.  Finding pictures is just by chance.  I label them with names and that helps a little.  Another thing that happens is that I can never find my older pictures and I'm assuming that they have gone up to the cloud.  At least I am hoping so, but how can I retrieve them and look at them from time to time.  No one ever told me how to do that.  Oh well.....

Do we really need a title?

 It's 82 degrees F. outside right now.  It's sunny and very beautiful.  Rick mowed my yard, the front yesterday and the back this morning, so I'm all set for another week.

I'm still concerned about my son-in-law, Ray.  He had a stent put in during a heart catherization over the weekend.  He had a 99% blocked artery, among other things that also need to be taken care of sooner rather than later.  Ray will definitely be kept in my prayers along with Suzanne and his family.  Delores still hasn't gotten all her problems taken care of, so I will also keep her in my prayers, along with Rick's brother Robert (Bubby).

Rick and I are fine.  We have a few pains now and then, but nothing to really complain about.  Today is such a pretty day so Rick decided to ride the trike to his favorite hangout to visit with his brother Tommy and the other men who hang out there.  I'm pretty much content with staying at home these days.  I don't know why, but I am.  Maybe it's because I get to watch whatever movies or docudramas on Netflix, Amazon Prime or Paramount that I want, get to blog without interruption, or play games on my cell phone quietly......I seem to enjoy my alone time more these days.  Not that I like being alone, because I'd rather be with family, but I do enjoy my alone time as I said.  Also because I'm less mobile than I used to be.

Another thing that I enjoy is shopping online rather than in person.  How that ever happened I don't know, but it snuck in there and has surprised even me.  The only clue I can give is that I love surprises and, getting packages left on my front porch is like getting little gifts.  Doesn't make much sense does it even tho I know what's inside, it's still enjoyable opening up the packages.  Isn't that crazy?  Tomorrow I'm getting M&M's and I can't wait!  A Family Sized package too,  just for me since Rick has Diabetes 2.  I'll have to hide them and only eat some while he is gone.  I hope they aren't all melted from the heat.  I should have ordered them last week.

I've got some Friends to check up on at Facebook and some Podcasts to listen to, so I have to say goodbye now.  Hope everyone is enjoying life and this beautiful weather.    

Finding Contentment

After staying at home for nearly 8 years waiting for Rick to decide to go somewhere with me, I have finally given up and have resigned myself to just staying at home and being content with it.

Rick goes to hang out everyday in McDonald's in the Winter and sits on the Sonic outdoor benches when it is warm.  He visits with his brother and with other men who come join them.  He's content with this and it never seems to bore him.  I on the other hand have been extremely bored with this arrangement for several years, but there is nothing I can do about it.  The only thing to do is to find my own way. To find a hobby, something that interests me, and something that I can do and enjoy doing it alone.

I do seem to have found contentment watching movies and TV programs on Netflix and Amazon Prime.  It passes the time away and I don't have to think about anything but the story line in the movies and series that I watch.  Sometimes I get so involved in a series that I watch it hour after hour non-stop for days at a time.  I can't remember the last day that I have been outside to enjoy the beautiful world that I used to enjoy so much.

My whole life I was an outdoor gal.  I hated being inside and spent my days outside enjoying nature and whatever the world had to offer me.  I was so happy then.  I had so much to do after I got off work.  I never could understand then how anyone could ever be so bored when there was so much to do outside.  

My father's influence......that's how it all started at a very young age.  My grandfather also had a great deal to do with my love for the outdoors.  My grandfather and grandmother in San Gabriel, California let me spend as much time as I wanted to running around in the back yard which was extremely large with all its fruit trees and other buildings.  I remember climbing up all the trees and sitting up in the branches picking and eating fruit.  We had fig trees, black & white figs, and all kinds of guavas, plums and I really enjoyed the large pomegranate tree next door with its large branches of fruit hanging over our fence.  There were fruit trees and fruit bushes that I don't even know what the fruits were called. In the large Ramada (patio) with its orange colored floor there hung large green pear-shaped fruit over-head that I also loved to eat.  The only fruit that I was NOT allowed to touch were the cactus apples.  My grandfather would pick a large cactus apple and peel it for me and I would eat the juicy red sweet fruit inside.  We also had raspberries and boysenberries.  I guess this is where my love for fruit began.

My grandfather also built me a mound right behind the backdoor and next to the Ramada for me to play in.  I had to be very careful playing in there because it was a cactus garden.  My grandfather made me some small adobe houses for my lizards to live in.  Grandpa would surprise me with lizards that he brought home in his metal lunch box from the Huntington Library where he worked as the head gardener   of the cactus gardens.  We would release the lizards into one of the two adobe houses.  My grandfather must have also brought home little surprises for my dad when he was a boy, because my dad continued this with me by bringing me a surprise home in his metal lunchbox everyday from Nardons where he worked in Alhambra.  Everyday he would hand me his lunch box before he went inside and tell me to look inside.  It made me feel so special.  I loved my daddy.

Daddy, after remarrying a woman with 4 kids of her own took all of us kids somewhere every weekend.  Either to the beach or the mountains, or the desert.  We would leave either on Friday or Saturday and we would come home on Sunday.  I continued this with my own children when I grew up and got married.  I found a cabin for sale on the Licking River in Robertson County Kentucky and I bought it with money I had saved.  It was way out away from civilization and very secluded.  My children spent a lot of time at the cabin by the river until they reached around 15 yrs old and then they lost interest.  They wanted to be with their friends in town even tho we had allowed them to bring friends with them to the cabin by the river.  I grew up with my children there and have many happy memories of our time there.  

I'm a strong believer that the good memories that you make with your parents exploring nature, are passed down generation after generation, just ask my children.  If parents don't do anything with their children, their children will probably not do anything with their children either.  It doesn't matter what activities you do with your children, but the time you spend with them is all that matters.  I just so happened to love the outdoors, but I also loved to cook and bake from scratch which I did not get to share with my daughters because of a fear their dad had for kitchen fires.  That's one of my biggest regrets in life.  

I don't cook much anymore because Rick insists on doing all the cooking himself.  He has so many hangups that he won't eat anyone else's cooking.  At first I fought it, but then I realized that if I wanted or craved something that I loved to fix, that I could fix it while he was gone to hang out at McDonald's or Sonic, that's my time to cook the things that I truly love.  Some I share and some I don't, and if he finds them in the fridge, Rick is welcomed to eat try it.  Since I don't have an oven I am limited to what I can bake, but I manage well around this little problem.  It makes for some experimentation on how to bake something without an oven.  It sometimes can be done over the cooktop, almost like camping and making biscuits.  There is however one thing that I haven't figured out how to make without an oven and that is that good custard, like flan that Gigi Shattler taught me how to bake.  I loved that so good that I made it almost everyday.  

It is rainy and windy out today, but at least it's not cold.  It reached 60 degrees F. and the sun was in and out for a little while this morning.  My poor kitty Squeak has not come out of her house for the last 2 days.  I think she must not be feeling well or maybe she just hates mud as much as we do.  The snow all melted off yesterday here leaving so much mud that you don't dare go out and get off the sidewalk.  And with today's rain, well, it just doesn't help the mud problem.

I can't believe that it is already 4:14 p.m. and that I haven't even watched one movie today.  I better say goodbye and find a good movie or two to watch before Rick gets home.  Bye.....

 

Here I am complaining again.......

 It's Sunday and it looks like it's going to be another beautiful day.  I have nothing planned as usual.  Rick worked yesterday and he is working today too.  I rarely see him now since I have decided not to stay home waiting for him to come home.  Most days he doesn't come home until 5 p.m. or later, even tho he might get off work at noon.  I'm not who he runs home to see, so I'm going to live my life and not put it on hold waiting for him to join me.  The train has left the station and he's not on it......his choice.

I get up very early everyday.  Usually between 4 a.m. - 6 a.m. so I have very long days.  Yesterday I didn't have anything to do so I read my emails, found out what was going on in the world, and watched a little TV.  I didn't want to spend any money so for lunch I fixed myself some very good bean burritos stuffed with two kinds of cheeses and sour cream.  Mmm Mmm, they were so good.  I then turned on Netflix and watched some episodes of Stranger Things and quickly fell asleep.  I slept until the phone woke me up after 2:30 p.m. and it was Callie Agee inviting me over to play some cards with her.  Of course I went and I won every game we played.  I got home a little after 7:30 p.m.

Today I'd like to go see Sharon if she is at home, but my girls no longer invite me to visit them, so I don't go.  Last year we got bedbugs from Rick's brother Tommy, and when I was recovering from my surgery at Suzanne's home I had an exterminator spray my house for bedbugs, spiders and any insect that might be lurking there, then Rick vacuumed everyday until I got home and took over with the vacuuming and cleanup.  It has been since October of last year 2021 (that has been 9 months ago) since I have seen a bedbug in my house, and believe me if they were here they would be feeding on us at night. It's been months and not a one has been spotted.  I search for them or any traces of them, but there is none here.  You can't imagine how happy that makes me!!!!

Rick and I have been extremely careful and we religiously followed up with spraying every couple of weeks for several months and now we have stopped spraying so often.  We still keep the spray around just to be safe, and I'll have the exterminator come every year now to spray just and to make me feel better.  Besides, the spray kills spiders and stinkbugs too.  

We are very careful where we go and who we visit, so I fully understand why my daughters don't invite me over.  They're still not sure that I won't spread bugs to them.  I know for sure that I don't have them anymore, but they're not convinced just yet and they may never be convinced.  I think that it may take until next November 2023 that I might be welcomed into their homes again, but that's just a guess and maybe I never will be welcomed into their homes again.....nor will they come to visit me either.  

So this is my life now.  I feel like I'm living in a cocoon only allowed to visit Callie who welcomes me with open arms.  I don't have too many choices of what I can do, so mostly I drive, get out and admire this beautiful world all by myself.  I sometimes take pictures or have a picnic all by myself.  It's lonely, but with Brian and Jimmy gone I don't have anyone to run around with anymore.  Rick would rather not go anywhere with me.  He just wants to sit for hours at a time at McDonald's or on the Sonic outdoor tables under the awning there.  

Rick doesn't want me there at McDonalds's or Sonic either, so I don't stop by there at all unless I'm invited.  I try not to even pass by there when I am out, so if I have to be around there, I go way out of my way to get to places that are near there.  It's time consuming to go to SaveA Lot, to my bank or to Walgreens when I can't go straight to those places.  And if I want a milkshake I have to go across town instead of just getting one at my favorite place, Sonic, who has the best fresh banana shakes and chili cheese footlongs that I love.  It's ridiculous, but if Rick sees me he thinks I'm there checking on him.  So I do my best to stay clear of that area where McDonald's and Sonic are located.  

What a life!  It's not at all what I envisioned my retirement to be like.  I was hoping to be with someone who enjoyed being with me doing things together, but at least I am going out and doing things on my own.....this is something I thought I would never do, but I'm doing it.

The night before last around 9:00 p.m. I was called out to pick up a stranded person from the Emergency Room at our local hospital.  She has kidney disease, is on dialysis 3 times a week, cannot walk and after spending all day in the E.R. she had no one to take her home.  Of course I went, who would not go?  I know her so I drove her home.  She didn't live far, just on Slate Lick Road, but it was challenging getting her into the house.  Her sister had to be called to help me and I got home at 10:00 p.m.  Rick was clearly upset that I went to help her and even brought it up again this morning.  

Rick doesn't have such a good memory and even tho he is not sick, he has been stranded several times, and has called me to come rescue him.  He's forgotten things at home and instead of turning around and coming back to get them, he calls me and I take whatever he needs to him in my PJ's.  He's locked the Saturn keys in the car a couple of times.  He needed me to come to his house a couple of times and take him to work or to bring him to my house so that he could take the Saturn to work.  He easily forgets that he sometimes needs rescuing himself.  I know it may not be a medical emergency, but coming to someone's aid is no different.  If you need help, you need help, period.  I know that I have called Suzanne numerous times and she has come to rescue me and I'm forever grateful to her.  Suzanne & Ray have even driven hundreds of miles at times, and not just across town like I had to the other night.  I did hurt my back a little because Crystal couldn't walk or get out of my car by herself, but my back heals in a day or so.  

Crystal sent me a message yesterday apologizing for calling me for help.  Even that night that she called she was very concerned about my car and my back.  She alerted me to pot holes and a ditch line and told me that I would have to go very slowly cause she didn't want me to damage my car.  She called her sister to help me because she knew that I had hip surgery recently.  Rick seems to think that Crystal is a non caring person and he was more concerned at what damage she might have done to my Prius.  There was no damage done and if there was, it's my car anyway.

I don't go out in my car and say, "What damage or what accident can I get into today?  Rick still blames me for the accident that I recently had when another car didn't see me and hit me broadside.  It wasn't my fault.  I can still remember Rick's first words when I called him and told him that I had been in an accident, "How's the car?" he said.  He never once asked me how I was, if I was okay......NEVER.  He just got mad that I had damaged the car and hung up on me.  That's Rick!  You can't imagine how I felt.  I was shaken up and literally trembling, and no!  I wasn't fine.  I needed him, I needed emotional support which I got from both Suzanne & Sharon, but nothing from Rick.  He literally hung up on me and was still mad and wouldn't speak to me when I finally got home late that night, after hours of driving the car slowly home, because the back fender was rubbing the back tire.  He still to this day brings up the accident which he insists I caused just because I shouldn't have been out wasting gas driving around.  That's how Rick thinks.  It's perfectly fine for him to waste gas as he calls it, but I'm supposed to stay at home 24/7 according to Rick.

Not this girl!   

      

Happier Times

I've settled into a time of just plain daily living, so I'm often reminded of happier times when we enjoyed exploring new places together.  

 These days Rick would rather go off to work on a Saturday, or just hang out at McDonald's for hours at a time instead of doing anything worthwhile we me.  This never happened when I was with Jimmy, or for that matter anyone else that I ever was with except of course for Steve who would much rather stay home drinking beer if he had the choice.  I don't count that relationship because it was such a brief one only lasting a matter of months anyway.

This morning when Rick walked into the kitchen to take his cereal bowl to the sink he made a rude remark under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear it.  He said, "I suppose these dirty dishes will stay in the sink for 8 days now," and I was hurt by that remark.  I've never let dirty dishes remain in the sink for more than one day.  The only reason they were in the sink this morning is because we ate so late last night and I planned on washing them up this morning.  I've have to keep every little dirty spoon washed up because of the ants, and that's something Rick is not so careful of doing himself, so normally the dishes get washed up right after we eat.

Why does Rick feel that he has to insult or ridicule me every single day right off the bat?  I wake up every morning in such a good mood, thanking God for Rick and for this beautiful day that I am blessed with, and then Rick tries to tear it down.  Why is he so unhappy, and why does he feel that he has to tear everyone down by belittling them all the time?  I can only surmise that he's not happy with himself, and he wants to tear everyone else down to make himself look good.  Well he doesn't look good to me when he's belittling everyone around him for their shortfalls.  It's just not me that he talks badly about, it's everyone.  According to Rick he's the only perfect one on this great green earth.  Well I have news for him, but I'm too nice to say anything to him because,  I don't want to hurt his feelings and believe me, if I wanted to I could really bring that ego of his crashing down to earth.

Jimmy was right!  He didn't believe in gossip or talking badly about anyones shortfalls, nor did he want to waste his time arguing, which only causes hurt feelings and words that you can never take back.  Jimmy was also thankful for each new day and he made the most out of each day.  He made everyone feel important and loved as it should be.  Jimmy taught me what real love and respect was, and I try to live my life that way.  I've been hoping that living this way by example would rub off on Rick, but no such luck.  

I guess it's true after all......"you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Double Standards

 Drove myself over to Boonesboro State Park and to my surprise the park was closed.  I drove into the park because the boat ramp is still open and it seems that they are doing major repairs to the park.  I wanted to stop, park and rest in the shade for a little while, but will all the yellow tape around and blocking every field and point of entry, I had to keep driving, so I just turned around and drove out and headed back to Richmond to see what was going on at Lake Reba.  The lake was booming and loaded with kayaks, which you can rent there, and with lots of people enjoying the day fishing.  The Fire & Rescue were also there and I'm assuming it is because of the kayak rentals.

Rick came back from his scooter ride at noon and told me that he didn't want to go anywhere and that's why I drove myself to Boonesboro State Park.  I would have liked to have been able to drive myself to Virginia Beach but that's too far for me to go alone.  Maybe one of these days one of my girls will go with me.

I'm back home now and Rick wants to know why I bothered to come home so early (2:30 p.m.) and also encouraged me to just go right back out.  I might just do that.  It's really a crying shame that when he wants to go somewhere, like he did this morning for two hours it is okay, but when I leave for 2 hours it is a crime.  I don't see the difference.  He didn't want to go with me, so what am I supposed to do?  Waste my entire Summer and life waiting for him to say it is okay for us to go some place together?  He has just gone outside to inspect the car.  Just in case I put a little scratch on it or something while I was gone.  He always does this and I'm used to it and it no longer bothers me, because I'm careful with my car unlike him with my Saturn.  

Today

 Today looks like it's going to be another beautiful day here in central Kentucky.  The humidity is down making it a perfect day for some outdoor activities if you're so inclined.

Rick is getting ready to go outside to do some spraying.  He likes to spray around the mailbox, telephone poles and any place that you can't get to with the lawnmowers.  This cuts down on the weed-eating that he has to do.  He sprays his two other yards too, but first he will spray mine and then go on over to spray his, maybe not today and maybe he will.  That I can't say for sure.

Today is Tommy's birthday and he'll be 61 years old today.  That's one of Rick's older brothers.  He will probably spend the afternoon with Tommy today hanging out at McDonald's.  Since Sonic is right next door to McDonald's, they sit on the outdoor concrete Sonic tables and probably people watch and discuss life....who really knows what they talk about, and not too many people care either.

Rick's chevy truck is having new back brakes put on and it should be ready today.  It also needed new hubs and springs, so it's going to be a costly repair.  Rick woke up around 4:30 a,m. worried about the cost and couldn't go back to sleep so we got up and had coffee.  We stayed up until about 6:00 a.m. and then went back to bed and slept until around 9:30 a.m.  Rick wasn't called into work today, so that was a relief for him since he didn't get much sleep.  

I personally don't know what I will do today, but I'll find something to occupy myself with.  I've gotten pretty used to being home all alone these last few years and it's not so bad.  In the Winter I'm fine, but in the Springtime I want to get out and by Summer I've got cabin fever so bad that I'm hard to live with.  My two daughters have been fantastic about including me in their lives a little more.  I really need their love and emotional support to keep me going.  I buried myself away from everyone after Jimmy died, but I'm ready to come back and live again.

Sunday.....a day of rest

 Rick was super sweet to me yesterday, but the three things that he had planned for us fell through, but only because of an unfortunate deadly accident on I-75 involving one car traveling the wrong way which resulted in 6 deaths.  All persons involved in the accident were killed.....4 children & 2 adults.  The driver going the wrong way was a 38 yr. old woman, and the car she hit head on was driven by a 30 yr. old woman with 4 children.  Two families cried themselves to sleep last night.

Rick and I finally headed back to Richmond after being stuck in traffic, and we had an early supper at Cracker Barrel. We rode around for a little while digesting our meal and then we stopped at Sonic for one of their great tasting ice cream cones.  We sat there and talked for a while and watched traffic go by.  Sonic was extremely crowded, so we looked at all the different models of cars going through the drive-thru and tried to decide which car or truck we wanted next.  I'd like to have another 4W Drive SUV preferably a Toyota.  I think Toyota's can possible last to 400,000 miles or maybe even more.  I also would love to have a 4W Drive extended cab pickup truck with a full sized bed, a diesel would be nice.  I've heard that diesel will go more miles than gasoline.....but that's just hearsay.

It's Sunday, so I'm resting today watching Netflix movies because it's wet outside.  Rick has gone to Mc'Donald's/Sonic to sit and talk with his brother Tommy.  McDonald's and Sonic are right next to each other and Rick parks at McDonald's and walks across a short span of grass to sit at the outdoor Sonic tables, his brother does the same thing.  Sonic is so crowded that it's hard to park in their parking spaces and you don't really want to do that unless you want to take the risk of someone running into your car.  Even if we eat at Sonic we still park at McDonald's.  It's just safer there, and we're right near our car.

I'm closing for now.  I'm going to find another movie, or a series to watch on Netflix until Rick gets back home.  Bye, Bye.

More of Nothing

I'm trying my best to write something everyday, but sometimes there isn't much to say.  I can repeat the same ole things over and over, but I'm sure we all get tired of reading those things.

I worked hard yesterday, and I worked steady all day long.  I did several loads of laundry all consisting of bedding.  I like to wash all of my bedding from time to time, like the pillows and blankets, and the sheets and pillow cases at least once a week.  Rick helped me when he came home from visiting with his brother, and I appreciate that more than he thinks.  

I encourage Rick to go visit with his brother and not put it off.....but I didn't really mean for him to go every single day to visit for several hours a day, but I can't complain.  I would have gone everyday to visit Brian if I could have without starting a fight.  I should have just gone to visit Brian and not tried to please anyone.  At that time, me spending so much time with Brian seemed unreasonable to Rick, but now looking back, I should have just done it.  That's water under the bridge now and we can't go back, but Rick still has time to spend with his brother and he should do it.

Sharon Face Timed me yesterday morning for a while.  She had Jack and Lyv with her and I got to talk to them too.  They are growing like weeds, but they are pretty weeds all in bloom.  Myles is at camp, so he wasn't with her.

Suzanne called me and I could hear Carson in the background playing.  Suzanne had plenty to say yesterday.  Some days she seems so full of energy and knowledge and she likes to pass her knowledge on to me and yesterday was one of her talkative days.

Because of all the work that I did yesterday I had a very painful night and had a hard time sleeping.  I ached all over from the waist down.  I'm not doing so well today either, but I'm trying to stay as active as I can.  It's so painful to walk, but I get up and walk anyway.  Don't get me wrong, I do rest as much as I can, but I'm afraid that if I stay sitting for too long, that this is what I'll be stuck doing for the rest of my life and I'm not ready for that yet.  

There are so many things that I can't do anymore because of my back and my sciatica.  I have degenerative disk disease and my disks are crumbling.  I have to be careful and it has gotten worse with each day.  I need to find a good chiropractor to go to that can help me.  I just keep putting that off.

Well, that's about it for today......But the day is early yet, so I may come back and post more.  

General Babbling

 It's Tuesday morning, it's partly sunny and the projected high will be 77 degrees.  Not a bad day at all.   My siatic nerve is still giving me some grief, but other than that, I'm fine.  I seem to be better in the afternoons and can sometimes walk without a cane later in the day.  It takes me a few hours to warm up I guess, haha.

I don't know what I will do today.  Maybe I'll go buy me a nice juicy red tomato from the fruit & veggie vendor, and some good hamburger from Save A Lot grocery store.

I had to buy a new battery for my riding mower yesterday, and this time I bought a Die Hard because those cheap batteries that I have been buying don't last.

Rick is giving himself another haircut.  He cuts his own hair and he does a really good job of it.  I trim it up a little in the back because he can't see that part and I shave the back of his neck, but he does all the rest.  Rick loves to save money and he is very good at it.

Poor Rick, these days he has to do almost everything around here since it's too painful for me to walk.  He does all the mowing, and most of the housecleaning now.  He does all the cooking too.  I manage to make the bed and dust only the places that I don't have to bend to dust.  Last week little Carson dusted the bottom of my coffee table for me and would have done more, but I told him that this was enough and I thanked him for helping me.  He's such a nice boy.  I also wash the dirty dishes and I do the laundry.

Rick has to go get one of his riding mowers back into running condition.  It's a fairly new looking mower, but he's never used it since I've known him.  He got it started but now he has to fix one of the tires that has gone flat and come off the rim.  He also needs to change the oil in it.  If he gets this mower into good running condition he won't have to haul my riding mower over to his house anymore to do the parts that the zero turn isn't able to do.  Zero Turn mowers are only good for flat ground and you'd better not get them too close to any drop-offs.   They're easy to turn over and get stuck in ditches too and they weigh so much that you can't push or pull them out without a 4W drive.  I've seen our neighbor go get his truck to pull his out of muddy ground so many times that I can't count it on two hands anymore.  

The Early Morning Light

 Good Morning!  Rick is out on the front porch waiting for his ride to work, and I am here writing to you.  It's finally Friday and the weekend is here.  It's a holiday weekend, Memorial Day weekend, and the official beginning of summer even tho we have had extremely hot weather already.  

Yesterday was a pleasant day that I spent with my kitty cat Jybow.  We sat on the front porch to watch baby birds finally learning to get their own food, and not depending so much on their momma.  We watched one baby pecking away at a Cicada which was still alive and the baby Robin finally ate the whole Cicada.  Their flying has also improved some, but you can still tell that they are baby Robins because they still squawk a lot and follow their mothers trying to get her to feed them, and she still does.  In flight the babies are still a little shaky at times and they flutter their wings more when they are attempting to land on a fence post or branch.

My pretty little great-granddaughter went to see her dentist yesterday for a routine checkup.  No problems so far, so she is always smiling when she is there because she's never had to have any kind of procedures done yet.  Hopefully this will continue throughout her life. 

It looks cloudy and rainy out today.  I sure hope we get a good steady rain today, because it's dry around here.  It hasn't rained in a couple of weeks and it's been hot, in the 90's, and the grass and plants could sure use a drink of water.  Everything is looking a little droopy outside.

Rick's boss has just picked Rick up to take him to either a house under construction in Boone's Trace, or another one just off Boonesboro Road.  They have many homes under construction, so he may stay there to work for a while and then move on to another home, no telling where he will end up today.  At the moment they are working on homes in Madison County, Richmond, Berea, Mt.Vernon and London, Ky.  Those are only the ones that I know about.

It's still early here and I may come back later to let you know how my day has gone, or just to give you my opinion or to just rant.....the day is still young. 

UPDATE:  We had a good rain shower and a needed drink of water for the outdoors.  Hoping there will be more rain to follow.   

Always be there to lend a helping hand or to lend an ear

Another month has gone by and this time it seems like we are making progress on all fronts.  Rick & I are getting along much better with his accepting my responsibilities as a mother, and my son is doing much better too.  He has stopped asking me to drive him to the liquor store.  I never gave in and I won't!!!

My son and I go to the library and shop together for groceries.  At the library he checks out DVD movies to watch at home and on payday I drive him around to pay all of his bills.  The bills always get paid first as it should be.  How he spends the rest of his money is his choice and all I ask him to do is to divide it out and make it last for the entire month.  He is having a bit of trouble with that, but eventually I hope he will succeed.  I remember when Jimmy died that I had trouble making ends meet with the cut in pay by his death, but with the help of my brother Ron I finally made it.  Ron brought over groceries with each of his visits and I'll never forget that.  I owe him many thanks for being there for me.  Now it's time for me to be there for my son.

The mean spirited Rick has come back after only 2 days of being nice.

Today on Rick's way out to go visit friends at McDonald's he was accusatory towards me.  He told me that I should go pick up someone to keep me company.  That hurt me very much since we have been getting along pretty well these last couple of days.  

I noticed that on his calendar, that on Dec. 11th he wrote the word  "CEAK."  What does that mean?  Is this the name of someone he has met?  Nothing else is written on his calendar except these letters, so I wrote for today the name "Wallace" on todays date.  I wonder if he will notice and should I be worried.  He'd rather spend all of his time hanging out at McDonald's than with me.  He sits in there all day long and then he complains about his back hurting.  My back would hurt too if I sat in there for 8 to 12 hours a day too. I know that at times that both he and his brother Tommy go over to Tommy's apartment and watch TV until 10 p.m. after the 8 hrs.  Oh well, if that is what he wants, then there is nothing that I can do about it.

Rick has been complaining about the money that I spent on food last month which ended up feeding Brian because Rick left me of his own free will.  Now he says that he won't spend anymore money on food anymore.  He is eating out now and if that is not spending money then I don't know what is because I was the one who paid for the groceries in the first place.  Rick only contributed 3 times on groceries in the 3 years he has been here.  So if he doesn't want to spend anymore money on groceries here, then that is fine with me, since he didn't spend much anyway.  He is spending more now by eating out, so today when he asked me what we were going to do about eating and suggested that he might get a cheeseburger before he came home, I agreed with him and told him to get that cheeseburger.  Last night he brought home a $6 pizza from Little Caesars, which I helped him eat.  The more he spends maybe the more he will stop and think of all the money that I have been out feeding him.  He always insisted on going shopping with me and we bought all the things that he liked to eat.  While Brian was here, Brian went shopping and he bought all the things that I like to eat, which I haven't eaten in the years since Rick has been here.

Today I'm feeling down because Rick doesn't want to spend any time with me.  He'd rather spend his time with strangers than with me.  I really don't know why he is still here?  I don't know why he comes back here every night to sleep, when he complains constantly about the conditions of my house.  My home is my home and it's not the newest and prettiest house, but it is clean and it is my home.  Rick likes nice things, and he is always telling me so, but why doesn't he have nice things or a nice home of his own.  He has a small room without water or a bathroom or even electricity.  His electric comes in by a long extension cord from an old falling down single wide trailer.  So for him to complain to me that my home is not nice enough for him is an understatement.  He may own two pieces of property, but neither of them is as nice as my house.

I may not have much, but Jimmy and I were happy here.  Jimmy was an angel compared to Rick.  I can clearly see why Rick has never had anyone in his life for very long.  He's a bully and very mean spirited.  He will cut you down at every opportunity and laugh about it.  I wonder who will have the last laugh, me or him?

The couch never complains

Rick and I are doing fine.  Things are pretty much back to a new normal.  Although he still has one foot out the door and doesn't spend much time with me, we are getting along and that's all that matters.  It seems that he would rather spend most of his free time hanging out at McDonald's visiting with his brother and whoever comes in there.  That's okay with me just as long as he is nice to me when he is with me.  Because he spends most of his free time hanging out with his buddies, I now have all the time in the world to make sure that my son is comfortable, and to care for his emotional state.  My son on the other hand is making every effort to give Rick & I our privacy.

Rick hurt his back and he doesn't know how.  I think it was when he lifted one end of my son's sectional couch yesterday.  Today he's complained about his back hurting more than it usually does and he has gone to bed so that he can lay flat.  Besides, it is bedtime anyway.  Remember that couch I had to move all by myself without Rick's help?   Yep, that's the one.

I've been very happy for the last two days.  Rick has been talking about us in the future tense, so I know that he still wants me in his life.  He does slip back every once in a while to let me know that he hasn't forgotten how it has been for us in the last month, and he makes himself mad, like he always did at times.  He is still punishing me for the circumstances of these pasts few weeks with my son showing up at my doorstep, even tho I had nothing to do with it, so I am still sleeping on the couch among other things.  I've grown to like the couch, so it doesn't bother me sleeping on it.

We're trying and I want us to work out

It's a new week and things are not back to normal yet.  Rick is home again and he is doing much better.  Or at least for the first 2-3 days he was as nice as he could be, but yesterday he started slipping back into his old self criticizing everyone and everything.  

He seems to do well for a few days and then everything starts annoying him.  He worries about everything even before anything to worry about actually happens.  I don't think this man can be truly happy.  He stays so stressed out, but he stresses himself out.  He can be perfectly fine and then talk himself into a frenzy.  A one man show.  It takes no one to do anything, or say anything.  He just starts thinking of things and before you know it he is upset about something.  I've never seen anyone like this.  He's going to die early of some stress related illness if he doesn't learn to handle his emotions.

When he is not stressed or upset about something he can be very sweet.  He helps me in any way that he can, and I appreciate everything that he does for me.  He gets up and he fixes a pot of coffee first thing.  Then he fixes breakfast for us, then as the day goes on he does whatever he needs to do.  He's a regular fix-it man, but it comes with a price.  Either he wants recognition and lots of praise or a meal out and that certainly is a fair price for whatever he does.  I think he deserves more, but that's all he asks for these days.

Every since Thanksgiving Day it has been a joy to be around him.  I really missed him and I know that he missed me too.  We still have our moments, and he still has his demands, but we're working things out as we go.  I'm trying to accept him for who he is with all of his faults, as I'm sure he is trying to do the same about me.  We're both too old to really change our ways, but we are both bending our ways a little to please each other.  It's not always easy living with me because I'm so nice and so stubborn at the same time.  I demand love and attention scattered in with respect, and he demands lots of attention....sometimes more than I can give him.  He wants to be the boss, the head of the house and I can understand that.  But with that he can get more out of me with sugar & honey, than with being a grouchy sour puss all the time.

I love Rick and I think he's sincere and that he loves me too.  We're just in a period of adjustment which has now lasted for all the years that he has been here.  I'm willing to compromise, but he has to do some compromising too for us to work.  I don't like to argue just for the sake of arguing because it's a waste of valuable time.  Why argue about nothing when we could be enjoying each others company instead?

things have settled down

Things have settled down here at home.  Brian & I are having lots of good conversations, watching movies and playing cards.  He does a lot of reminiscing and brings up past events that I had long forgotten.  It's nice to be reminded that I was once a good mother.  I had forgotten that.  And it's also nice knowing what events in my son's past meant so much to him.  Little things we did are so well remembered by him and left quite an impression on him too.  Thankfully they were good impressions.  

Brian has also been very helpful here.  He repaired one of my favorite little Christmas ornaments without me even asking him to do.  He washes dishes and puts things away.  He's much like me in that respect.  I always say, "Everything has a home, so put it back where you found it,  so we can find it the next time we need it."  We've also done a lot of running around and he stays on his feet all day long most days.  There's no slouching around allowed here, and mornings for him begin around 7:00 a.m.  I'm impressed at how well my son is doing considering that he just had part of his big toe removed the day before he arrived here.  He changes his own dressings daily and is faithfully taking his antibiotics.

The lines of communication are now open between Rick and I too, but he still refuses to come back.  He's not planning on staying away tho, and misses being here, but he's stubborn and set in his ways.  Brian says Rick is spoiled and that I have spoiled him.  I agree with that because that's just the way I am.  If you love someone, you show it so they don't have any doubts about how you feel about them.  You treat them as you would like to be treated yourself, and I know in my heart that Rick loves me, and when things settle down and get back to normal that he will be back here.  He just can't handle all this chaos. 

     

First snow of 2019

We got a dusting of snow last night.  We must have been on the borderline because it was predicted that we would get between 1-3 inches of snow, and we barely got that dusting.  Oh well, better luck next time.

The sky is a dreary gray, so I'm staying inside and watching movies.  It's trying to rain, but not having much luck at that either.  I'm glad that it's not raining tho, because we sure don't need any more rain on the ground around here.

For some reason beyond my control I have lost the TV signals for channels 18 all the way to just short of channel 36.  It must be the weather.  I use a TV antenna, so I am not on cable, Dish or Direct TV.  I get enough channels just on an antenna to keep me happy & content.  Of course I have Netflix for movies and TV programs that I can't watch with an antenna.

Rick is out in the building sharpening one of his broken pocket knives.  He likes piddling around in there since we put heat in there for the winter months to save all of our batteries.  I just bought a new battery for my Saturn and they aren't as cheap as they used to be, so taking care of our batteries has become important to me.  

I hope everyone's day is going well.  Mine is good just in case you're wondering.

Loving the one you're with is not always easy

This is not my picture, but I can relate to it 100%.  I can't count how many times I picked up a book to read and ended up with one of my cats sitting right smack dab in the middle of the book.

The man in the picture is clever.  I never thought to get another book as a decoy.  I would merely just give my cat the attention it wanted and wait for it to leave on its own.  No wonder I never read very much, hahaha.

I miss my cats.  They were such comfort to me.  My life was stress free then, but of course Jimmy was alive then and living with Jimmy was VERY STRESS FREE.  He was a man who didn't argue about anything or talk badly about anyone.  He didn't cuss at all.  He loved life, and it showed in everything he did. It rubbed off on everyone he came in contact with and that's why they all loved him.  Jimmy was the kind of person who was always willing to help anyone do anything.  He didn't want anything in return either.  He was just always willing to help.  He was the kind of man who if he saw a neighbor having trouble with a tool or lawnmower that wouldn't start, he would go over, get the broken tool, bring it home and repair it on the spot.  That's just the kind of man he was, and he never expected to get anything for it, but a "Thank You," and that was enough for him.  I'm sure there are still men out there like Jimmy, but they are hard to find and a dying breed.

I try not to compare anyone to Jimmy, but instead try to carry on the love for mankind that he taught me, hoping that it will rub off on someone I care deeply about.  So far I'm not having any luck, but I won't give up.  I don't want to change them.  I just want them to look at life differently.  To smile more and not to take everything so seriously.  Sometimes worrying about every little thing can kill you.  I know that  I'll never be able to measure up to Jimmy,  but that doesn't keep me from trying.  And until my last breath I will try to emulate him.

Another person who had a great influence on my life was the doctor that I worked for.  It wasn't the doctor actually, but the job that changed my way of thinking forever.  I saw patients on a daily basis who were dying, who didn't deserve to die so young.  I saw and felt what it was like to lose control over your own life and end up dead even with all that medicine could do.  I learned quickly that most of us waste time worrying and arguing over the little things in life that don't amount to anything.  We worry about who spilled the bread crumbs on the table, or left the toilet seat up, and then we start an argument over such mundane things as these.  Do you really want to argue and have hard feelings towards someone you love over things that don't amount to a hill of beans?  

Another thing that Jimmy talked to me about was worrying, because I was a worrier when I met him.  He told me that I should stop worrying.  He said that worrying about something that MIGHT HAPPEN was a waste of time.  He told me to wait until something actually happened, and that made a lot of sense to me.  So now I don't worry about anything, but someone close to me thinks that since I don't worry about "what might happen to the car if I drive it into a crowded parking lot," that I don't care about taking care of my material possessions.   I do care about taking care of what I have, and I do watch where I park, but I don't let it be the most important thing in my life.  Life and everyone's safety is my only concern, not what might happen to any of my material possessions.  You can get another car, but you can't get another life.  

This brings me to my next thought which has always been stuck in my head:  TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HOME BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU GET, you don't get another one!  I'm referring to my body which is my real home.  This is why I don't smoke or take prescription medications that I don't think I need.  I may not exercise the way I should, but I have always eaten lots of fresh fruits & vegetables and I cooked all of my children's food from scratch, nothing processed or boxed.   I do eat more sweets than I should now, but as far back as I can remember, my body has always dictated what it wants to eat.  I do believe that our bodies crave what you are lacking and you should acknowledge that, and feed it what it wants to eat.  So far I don't have any major illnesses or diseases, but I may drop dead tomorrow.  I feel well except for some minor aches and pains in one of my knees and of course I do have some of the major effects of aging.  I can't do anything about aging, but then everyone else is aging at the same rate as I am.  As I get older, they get older.  If they are not getting older, they must have died.

This is all I have on my mind today.  Bye. 

My, how time flies.....

I can't believe that it has been 2 months since I have posted here!  Wow, time goes by so fast when you get older.  Anyway, lots of things have been happening around these here parts.  My brother Dennis & his wife Laurel joined the Toyota group of family members and also bought themselves a Prius this past week or so.  It's silver and very pretty.  We all have different colors and that's good so the cars won't get mixed up, since they all look the same.

Dennis is still busy trying to ready his backyard swimming pool and get rid of the green inside it, and I am still mowing the green on a weekly schedule (I'm referring to the grass in my yard, of course).

I've been fishing with Rick several times, but the fish weren't biting yet.  Other fisherman tell us that the water needs to be warmer before the fish will bite.  Our red worms and nightcrawler are getting anxious in the cooler waiting to become bait.  So far they have stayed alive for about 4 weeks.

Everyone in the family is doing fine except for Brian & Reva who still suffer from their different ailments on a daily basis.  I wish they felt good so they could enjoy life like the rest of us can.  All I can offer them is to keep them in my daily prayers and pray that one day they will wake up feeling great.

I only have 2 cats left.....Jybow & Squeak.  There are also 2 small tomcats around here, who are much too small for their ages.   One is black n white and the other is a solid dirty gray color with very long hair.  Both hide when the larger, more muscular tomcats come around, so they are safe and unharmed.  My females, Jybow & Squeak are spayed and very healthy, but they also hide from the large tomcats.  Recently one of my favorite females, Little Harley was found dead in my backyard.  She was a very healthy 3 year old cat with no problems.  She was also my best hunter and we will miss her very much.  We suspect that she might have possibly had some kind of a sudden accident, because there were no marks or blood on her body.

I'm sure there is plenty of other news, but my old brain can't seem to remember everything at this moment, lol.  I don't worry about that because when I wake up each morning, everything is new and beautiful again, and I am thankful for each new day.