Cabin Fever & Dealing with Arthritis

Today I just feel like getting out and going somewhere.  It might just be a little short trip down the road to buy another bottle of Aleve, or maybe to the liquor store to buy a fifth of dry gin for my raisins to soak in, or maybe just a short trip to my backyard.  But wherever I go, it will be outside and off the front porch swing.

I haven't been anywhere in a few days, but to my front porch, and I just have this overwhelming feeling to go somewhere.  By the time I take a shower I know that I will be worn out and I'll have to rest for a few minutes and maybe I'll lose the desire to go anywhere, but right now I just want to get away from the house.

People don't realize that it is so painful for me to walk even with Aleve to dull the pain some.  It has gotten extremely painful for me to even find a comfortable, pain free position to sleep in at night that I finally broke down and went to see a doctor.  I told the doctor that I wanted to be x-rayed to see what the problem is and she did as I asked, plus did a full blood workup on me.  The blood tests all came back fine, but my X-rays showed that I had severe arthritis of my left hip.  I have arthritis in other places, but not as severe as my hip.  Now that I know why I'm having so much pain, it is easier for me to deal with it.

I read up on the internet what I'm supposed to do with arthritis, and it's not to sit around, so I'm not going to do that.  I wasn't doing that anyway, but I was resting every other day, and now I'm not even going to do that.

My doctor is referring me to an orthopedic doctor for my arthritis, but they haven't called me about that appointment yet and I'm guessing it was because yesterday was Labor Day.  Maybe they will call today to let me know where I'm being referred to.  I'm excited about seeing an orthopedic doctor because I have so many questions about my back, or spine, and how it is doing.  I have degenerative disk disease and I want to know what is going on with that too, and if they can do anything about my pain, like surgery or some other form of treatment.  I don't want to be put on opioids for pain-relief either.  Maybe if I were 99 years old or something I might consent to those types of pain pills, but I'm too young yet to get hooked on those.

Well.....that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

Loving the one you're with is not always easy

This is not my picture, but I can relate to it 100%.  I can't count how many times I picked up a book to read and ended up with one of my cats sitting right smack dab in the middle of the book.

The man in the picture is clever.  I never thought to get another book as a decoy.  I would merely just give my cat the attention it wanted and wait for it to leave on its own.  No wonder I never read very much, hahaha.

I miss my cats.  They were such comfort to me.  My life was stress free then, but of course Jimmy was alive then and living with Jimmy was VERY STRESS FREE.  He was a man who didn't argue about anything or talk badly about anyone.  He didn't cuss at all.  He loved life, and it showed in everything he did. It rubbed off on everyone he came in contact with and that's why they all loved him.  Jimmy was the kind of person who was always willing to help anyone do anything.  He didn't want anything in return either.  He was just always willing to help.  He was the kind of man who if he saw a neighbor having trouble with a tool or lawnmower that wouldn't start, he would go over, get the broken tool, bring it home and repair it on the spot.  That's just the kind of man he was, and he never expected to get anything for it, but a "Thank You," and that was enough for him.  I'm sure there are still men out there like Jimmy, but they are hard to find and a dying breed.

I try not to compare anyone to Jimmy, but instead try to carry on the love for mankind that he taught me, hoping that it will rub off on someone I care deeply about.  So far I'm not having any luck, but I won't give up.  I don't want to change them.  I just want them to look at life differently.  To smile more and not to take everything so seriously.  Sometimes worrying about every little thing can kill you.  I know that  I'll never be able to measure up to Jimmy,  but that doesn't keep me from trying.  And until my last breath I will try to emulate him.

Another person who had a great influence on my life was the doctor that I worked for.  It wasn't the doctor actually, but the job that changed my way of thinking forever.  I saw patients on a daily basis who were dying, who didn't deserve to die so young.  I saw and felt what it was like to lose control over your own life and end up dead even with all that medicine could do.  I learned quickly that most of us waste time worrying and arguing over the little things in life that don't amount to anything.  We worry about who spilled the bread crumbs on the table, or left the toilet seat up, and then we start an argument over such mundane things as these.  Do you really want to argue and have hard feelings towards someone you love over things that don't amount to a hill of beans?  

Another thing that Jimmy talked to me about was worrying, because I was a worrier when I met him.  He told me that I should stop worrying.  He said that worrying about something that MIGHT HAPPEN was a waste of time.  He told me to wait until something actually happened, and that made a lot of sense to me.  So now I don't worry about anything, but someone close to me thinks that since I don't worry about "what might happen to the car if I drive it into a crowded parking lot," that I don't care about taking care of my material possessions.   I do care about taking care of what I have, and I do watch where I park, but I don't let it be the most important thing in my life.  Life and everyone's safety is my only concern, not what might happen to any of my material possessions.  You can get another car, but you can't get another life.  

This brings me to my next thought which has always been stuck in my head:  TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HOME BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU GET, you don't get another one!  I'm referring to my body which is my real home.  This is why I don't smoke or take prescription medications that I don't think I need.  I may not exercise the way I should, but I have always eaten lots of fresh fruits & vegetables and I cooked all of my children's food from scratch, nothing processed or boxed.   I do eat more sweets than I should now, but as far back as I can remember, my body has always dictated what it wants to eat.  I do believe that our bodies crave what you are lacking and you should acknowledge that, and feed it what it wants to eat.  So far I don't have any major illnesses or diseases, but I may drop dead tomorrow.  I feel well except for some minor aches and pains in one of my knees and of course I do have some of the major effects of aging.  I can't do anything about aging, but then everyone else is aging at the same rate as I am.  As I get older, they get older.  If they are not getting older, they must have died.

This is all I have on my mind today.  Bye. 

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE SHEIK / EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

I'm listening to music and don't know quite how to feel, or maybe I should say, I don't know how I should be feeling.  I should be happy because today was a day spent with family starting with breakfast with Brian, Reva, Ron and Jimmy.  Breakfast was nice and relaxing with a good time had by all, followed by a continuation of our visit with Brian and Reva coming over to the house for a longer visit.  It was very nice spending time with just the two of them,  because I hadn't seen them for a month or so, because of Jimmy's chemo schedule.

Next Ray came over and prayed over Jimmy which is always a Blessing, but before Ray arrived, or maybe I should say, as Ray was driving by our house I took a tumble and fell down and lucky for me, my nose broke my fall or I might have gotten really hurt.   And the best news of all is that I didn't break my iPad!
Of course when Ray pulled into our driveway I pretended I was down on the ground pulling up weeds and he bought it until Jimmy spilled the beans and told him that I had fallen.  So Ray prayed over me too.

After Ray left we continued on our journey to go find a barber to cut Jimmy's hair.  He was told that his hair might fall out because of chemo but it hasn't.  Upon our return from the barber shop we got a phone call......Jimmy's chemo, scheduled for tomorrow, was postponed because of a continuously rising Creatinine level......this was the disappointing news of the day to both Jimmy and I.  We were both upset.  Jimmy was then asked to submit a 24 hour urine test and from those results the oncologist will decide what course of action to take next. There's a possibility that the chemo drug, Alimta, may have to be discontinued, and the worst thing about that is that it is working.  You can imagine how we felt when we heard this.  Our joy of yesterday was flushed down the toilet.

Now we had to wipe our tears of disappointment away and go meet Sharon, Megan and Myles.  Little did we know that they would make us forget even if it was just for a little while.  We laughed as we watched Myles and his antics, his cuteness as he called out, "Papaw, Papaw, and Gramma Sanny.  Megan and Sharon made us laugh and they also surprised me with an early birthday cake and a very nice laptop purse.  It's very Sheik and I love it! but of course everything that they give me is Sheik and fashionable.  I have some really pretty purses thanks to Sharon and Megan.

Last of all my sweet little Suzanne stopped in to check on us at the end of the day.  I know that Ray told her that I had fallen.  The news had spread as far as Winchester minutes after I had fallen, and I know it wasn't 'no little birdie' who told everyone, but someone (named Ray) who shall remain nameless.  Of course Suzanne also knew about the disappointing news that Jimmy had received earlier in the day and she was here to make sure that we were okay.  She's sweet that way :)

After writing about my day, I'm thinking that I just have to accept the bad along with the good and trust in God with all of His Wisdom, and just leave it all in His Hands.

Trying to stay positive

Jimmy took his first dose of the cancer killing drug Tarceva 150 mg. yesterday.  It is a costly pill that he has to take everyday.  We are trying to keep a positive attitude and pray that it works.  The biological testing results did not turn out as the oncologist had hoped for.  Jimmy's cancer cells did not mutate but we can only hope that this little magic pill will have some effect on the cancer, and a 5% chance is better than no chance at all.  With prayer and positive thoughts, the 5% can possibly be turned into 100%.

I have always believed in the power of the mind over your body, and when you practice that and believe in God, how can you lose!  We are all trying to be strong for Jimmy, but at times I falter and get very angry that he has gotten this disease once more.  I don't mean that I show anger to Jimmy, I just get angry within myself.  I am begging everyone for positive thoughts and prayers for my husband who is a dear, sweet, kind and loving soul.  I love him very much and would gladly trade places with him right now.

It was a Thoracentesis kind of day today.

EVERY DAY COUNTS AND IS A GIFT

It's a good day for some, but for others it is not.  The past three weeks have been difficult and very busy, but as the picture in the previous post shows, it is not keeping Jimmy from doing some of the little things that he likes to do.

Update on Jimmy

All went well today with Jimmy's Bronchoscopy.  It didn't take long to do the procedure, but we were there and he was in the care of the hospital from 9:00 a.m. until 3:00 p.m.  They took biopsies from both lungs and we will get the results at the follow up appointment.  The good news is that no cancer was seen with the naked eye.  There was mucous in the bottom of the left lung that was sucked out and sent off for culture along with a brush biopsy of a nodule in the right lung which they have been watching for a couple of years.  The right lung nodule has been previously biopsied with negative results for cancer.  Today they were primarily concerned on what's going on with the left lung.

Jimmy is alert and you would never know that he underwent any kind of procedure today.  He wants to mow the lawn, but I have had to put my foot down!  It's 81 degrees right now and the cats don't even want to be out.

We are anxiously waiting for 5:00 p.m. so that Jimmy can eat a good solid meal.  It's 4:27 and we are counting down the minutes.  We are also counting down the minutes when we will see Brandon.  He has been on his senior trip since last Friday and promised to stop by to see us this afternoon.

Kidney Stones and Pneumonia

Jimmy has had a very busy Week.  He had a Cystoscopy on Tuesday, Wednesday a Lithotripsy, today another Cystoscopy , and tomorrow he will have a Bronchoscopy with biopsy.  Between all of these procedures he has had cat scans, KUB's, chest X-rays, ultrasounds, and blood tests.  I probably missed something.  He is about ready to call it quits and not see another doctor until next Fall, but unfortunately they are not finished with him yet.  His kidney is still swollen from the Lithotripsy, and in 6 weeks the doctor wants to do an ultrasound and a KUB to check it again.  Tomorrow is another thing, the Bronchoscopy with biopsy, and I can't help but worry each time they biopsy my Sweet Dear Husband.  It has been 8 days short of one year since they removed the upper lobe of his left lung and he was just beginning to feel like his old energetic self again.  At least one doctor said that it didn't look like cancer, but there is so much scar tissue, and what they are calling infiltrates that are just not going away or getting better since before last Christmas.

Is there such a thing as too much good luck when it comes to your health?  I sure hope not!  I just say, that you can't kick a good man down, and if there is one thing that I have to say about Jimmy, is that there is no better man alive!  I LOVE YOU HONEY AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!!!!

Meeting for lunch

Had a very relaxing and enjoyable lunch with my brother Ron today.  We met him in Lexington and Jimmy said that his steak was SO GOOD that he thought he could almost taste it.
Our conversation was filled with very good news despite the cloud hanging over our heads. A sunny disposition will return to all in about a week, and we're all looking forward to better times ahead.

Waiting

I'm watching the Rachel Ray show while sitting in the waiting room at Saint Joseph's East in Lexington.  The waiting room is very large and not at all as cumbersome as the closet-like waiting room that I last sat in when Jimmy had his lung biopsies done in Richmond.  There are many people talking but there is one man whose voice is dominant above the rest and I can hear him telling stories of death to other members of his family sitting around him and I'm now thinking that he must just be a close friend of the family.  Thank goodness he is now getting up and saying his goodbye's because right now I don't want to hear anymore about death, and especially not now, at this moment, while waiting for Jimmy to be prepped to have his pacemaker put in.

Cardiac Ablation...One possibility for treatment of Atrial fibrillation

In cardiac ablation, doctors insert thin, flexible tubes (catheters) with electrodes on the tips into a blood vessel in your arm, groin or neck and thread them through your blood vessels to reach your heart. Doctors then apply heat (radiofrequency energy), a laser or extreme cold (cryoablation) through the catheters to destroy (ablate) abnormal heart tissue causing your heart rhythm disorder (arrhythmia).

Doctors perform cardiac ablation to treat many heart rhythm disorders, including:

• Atrial fibrillation
• Atrial flutter
• Tachycardia
• Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome
• Ventricular tachycardia

The calmness of it all...

Jimmy is napping with Jybow in his arms.  Jimmy holds his cat Jybow like you'd hold a baby and they both look content napping there together in Jimmy's easy chair.  I made Beef Stroganoff Hamburger Helper for my supper and Jimmy wanted the S.O.S. that I made him for supper last night re-heated for him.  He loves that stuff and could eat it everyday.

It's been a very quiet day here.  Early this morning Jimmy went to have a blood draw to see how fast his blood is clotting.  It's clotting to fast so he has to double up on his pills on Monday, Wednesday & Fridays and on the rest of the days he takes his normal dose of one pill per day.  Then he'll be tested again in a week to see if his clotting time is slower.

So that's about it for today.   I can hear the snow melting, because it's dripping on the A/C unit behind my head as I sit on the couch giving my mini laptop a workout.  I wasn't going to blog today because I didn't have anything to say.  I could bore you with the details of the snow, that it's still here, or I could tell you that Suzanne slipped in a tire track and sprained her back while trying to take pictures of the snow.  I could also tell you why Ron canceled our lunch date for today, but I won't.  I'll leave you wondering.

I just remembered a nice thing to share with you.  Sharon stopped by yesterday and spent the whole afternoon with us.  Here's the picture I took of her.

Sharon June

While I was retrieving the picture of Sharon I happened to find two old family pictures of my daughter, Suzanne's husband Ray and his family on facebook.  So even though they are not my pictures, I'm going to post them below...I'm sure Ray and his dad wouldn't mind and I know that Suzanne would love to see the pictures.

A good day for surgeries

It's been a good day.  The colonoscopy went pretty well and found a few surprises, but none life threatening.  At least we don't think so, and on Friday we'll have pathology results.  Jimmy is back to his normal self except that he has to remain on a clear liquid diet until he has an x-ray (Barium Enema) tomorrow morning .  He was hoping to be able to eat solid food today with Ron, but now that will have to wait until tomorrow.

So, while our favorite sister-in-law is doing her walking/running/jogging exercises tomorrow, Jimmy will be laying on some cold slab with a tube up his ____ being pumped full of barium for the x-ray.  Oh, what fun...

Since we're talking about surgeries, we can't forget to mention that Glen and also Allen each had surgery today and we wish them well.

Cold Sunday

It's a sunny cold Sunday afternoon and a good day for watching movies and eating pizza.

Last night I put a small oil heater in Jimmy's bedroom to keep him warm since the temperature dropped down to around 34 degrees. When I checked on Jimmy this morning I was surprised at how toasty and nice his room was compared to the rest of the house. Me and the cats were cold and they didn't even want to go outside this morning. When I opened the door to feed the outdoor cats, the indoor cats stepped back and said in unison, "You ain't putting me out there!"

I took a hot shower to warm me up and then I got out another oil heater just like the one Jimmy has in his room and fired that baby up. I don't know why I just don't turn on the gas heat but I think it's because I want this cold spell to be nothing but temporary.

Jimmy is feeling much better today, no nausea to speak of, and he even ate breakfast and went outside to feed the squirrels after he took a shower. He thinks he's passed the hump with the chemo and the road is all down hill from here. I'm glad that he's so optimistic because that puts a smile on my face and makes me feel that everything is going to be all right.

"Well here we are again, I guess it must be fate,

Forever you and me after all."

All is well here in paradise. We had another beautiful sunny day and can you believe it, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and no rain, not a drop.

Since Jimmy was given the go ahead to drive he went one way and I went another today, but don't get too excited, he went to make himself an appointment with his urologist and I went to see my doctor and YES, I got my flu shot. Not the swine flu shot because there are none of those around here yet and I guess they're waiting until everyone here has had it before they allow the shipment of vaccines to arrive, or maybe they got misdirected and went to Guantanamo Bay instead :(

Tomorrow will be a free day with nothing to do, so maybe I'll send Jimmy to see his family doctor to get his flu shot in the morning. You don't need an appointment for the flu shot there, you just walk in, tell them you want one and they say, "which arm?"

Today while I was at the doctor's she told me to walk straight out when I left and not to linger because she had two cases of swine flu, one on each side of the room I was in. One very nice thing about the clinic I go to is that they have separate waiting rooms for their patients. One is for sick patients and the other is for well patients and I've always liked that and think it's a smart idea. No where else I go do they have that division of sick & well patients. They all sit in the same waiting room coughing and hacking all over the place.

I'm listening to music and it's hard to concentrate on my blog because all I can think of is someone I love :) and I'm glad he's doing so well. I thank God everyday that I have him in my life. Today I've spent a good portion of the day counting my blessings. There's been a lot of sickness, some near death and some injuries in my family this year and now everything is looking up, so I have a whole lot to be thankful for. How about you, what are you thankful for?


The picture above is another pretty little cactus flower in Seligman, Arizona

The looming test results

There's a hush in the house and everything has been quiet all day today. We are all secretly worried about the results of tomorrows visit to the doctor, so no one is saying anything about it. Jimmy looks sick although he says he feels fine. He's losing weight and isn't too interested in food, but that may be due to the fact that he has lost his sense of smell & taste and tomorrow they are also going to x-ray all of his sinus cavities to see if there might be a problem there that might affect his taste & smell.

Another reason I know that he's worried is because he did something he's never done before. Last night he sat down by me on the couch and watched the entire movie, Wild Hogs, and held me instead of his cat Jybow. That's when I really began to worry.

Tomorrow we'll get the results of his biopsy......Just say a prayer for Jimmy that he gets good news.

I feel like the cat in the picture

Some of you have started to inquire as to why I haven't been blogging...Well, I've been sick and I'll be back again as soon as I am feeling better.