Jybow died today at 3:00 P.M.

R.I.P. my sweet Jybow. She was Jimmy’s buddy and now they can be together again. Jybow never stopped waiting at the door for Jimmy to come out, but now her wait is over.

Jybow came to us in the Fall of the year that our sweet doggy PJ had passed on in August. Jybow was the same color as PJ and we saw her as a blessing sent down from heaven to ease our pain from losing PJ.

Jimmy loved Jybow and kept her close to him. She slept between the buttons of his flannel shirts, she was that small and needed much attention. She came to us as a sick little cat with crusted over sore eyes, needing a bath desperately and de-fleaing.  

After being here a week she looked much better and seemed to love being the center of our attention. She was a very smart kitten and learned how to fetch right away. I loved eating Smarties candies and I would roll up all of my Smarty paper wrappers into small balls and Jybow and I would play with them on the bed. I would toss them over to her and she would swat them back to me, but one day the smartie ball fell on the floor and she quickly jumped off the bed to retrieve it, so that we could continue to play. It was then that I decided to start slowly throwing the smartie balls a little farther and farther each time and Jybow would always fetch them back to the bed so that we could continue to play. It wasn't long that I was throwing the balls across the bedroom, thru the living room and passed the hallway and into the far bedroom. She always hunted the smartie balls down and brought them back to me. That's how the fetching got started and soon after that I could toss one of PJ's stuffed little monkeys the same way and she would fetch it back to me or to Jimmy.

Jybow became more like a dog. She followed Jimmy everywhere and stuck to him like glue. They became inseparable. She didn't like using a little box so Jimmy would let her out whenever she asked. Jimmy often laughed and said that he felt like a doorman for Jybow, always letting her in and out. She never had an accident inside and when we thought that we would be gone for an extended amount of time we would put her outside. She loved being outside, so she didn't mind at all but was always there waiting to greet us when we came back home.

Jybow was a very happy cat full of life. I fed her only dry cat food and she seemed very satisfied with that until one day after a trip, my daughter Suzanne told me that Jybow loved chicken sandwiches. I told her that Jybow wouldn't eat anything but dry cat food, but Suzanne proved me wrong. For Suzanne she would gladly share a sandwich with Suzanne. Jybow continued to eat dry cat food until about a year ago when I discovered that she had lost some of her teeth, so I started feeding her wet cat food.

We are all very saddened by Jybow's death, especially her cat friend Squeak. Squeak didn't want to leave her side today, so we both remained with Jybow until she crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I buried her in the backyard next to PJ, Daisy, Callie, Little Harley and HopALong.

Jybow was the oldest cat that I ever had. She remained with us for about 19-20 years. I'll really miss her.

I love you Jybow!

Some Days Jybow needs more attention than other days

 

Yesterday I spent a good part of the day with Jimmy's cat Jybow.  She was crying out very loud again for me to come outside and spend some time with her.  It's not a loud meow, but cat screams like she's in danger, so I go right out.  

She's a people cat, and that's because she spent so much time with Jimmy.  She followed him around like a dog and never left his side when he was home.  She was such a loyal and devoted cat and Jimmy showered her with love and affection every chance he got.  

In those days when Jimmy was alive Jybow spent her days inside and outside wherever Jimmy was, but now she's strictly an outdoor cat.

She still waits for Jimmy by the front door, waiting for him to come outside, but of course Jimmy won't be coming out anymore, so I go out and sit with her until she falls asleep.  She's hard of hearing and can't see so well so she doesn't see me leave, but when she wakes up, we do it all over again.   Jybow is 17 years old. 

Sometimes Jybow and I take a walk into the backyard and we look for her buddy Squeak.  

Squeak and Jybow sleep together every night in a heated cathouse on the front porch but, Squeak goes into the backyard and hides out for most of the day.  Since it's been so hot out, and the temps reaching into the 80 degree mark I've unplugged their house.  

Squeak mostly only comes out at night.  Squeak has always been afraid of daylight and being outside, so she hides for most of the day.  Sometimes we see her out and lately she has been curious about the two white ducks that wander in our yard, so she ventures out from under a building and sits on top of a trashcan to watch the ducks.  The ducks belong to one of our neighbors, but you know the saying, "The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence," so the ducks spend most of their day in our backyard along with the neighbors chickens........ and Squeak is afraid of big birds.

Squeak and Jybow were orphaned very early in their little lives and didn't have a mother cat to teach them how to hunt, so they are not hunters and things like birds scare them.  They won't even look at a baby bird because one time a BlueJay got after them when they approached a baby BlueJay out of curiosity.  They weren't going to hurt it, they just wanted to look at it.  Now they avoid baby birds at all costs, therefore we have plenty of birds in our yard of all kinds.

Here's another picture of Jybow.  I sometimes fear that she won't be with us much longer, so I try to spend as much time spoiling her with special food and attention as much as I can.

This is a much younger picture of Jybow when she was allowed indoors and Jimmy was still alive.  She doesn't mind spending her days and nights outside now.  She doesn't even try to come inside when the door is left open while we carry groceries inside or for some other reason.  Squeak doesn't try to enter the house either.  They have both been outside cats since Rick came to live here in 2016, and now they don't mind it at all........except when the mean cat from next door comes over and tries to beat them up and eat their food. 

Here is a January 2014 picture that I found of Jybow when Jimmy was still with us.

ONE FRIEND by Dan Seals  

 

Why do people want total control over others lives?

I've been left alone for a few days now and I'm re-learning how to have fun on my own.  I used to stay at home and not go anywhere when Rick was at work, and I enjoyed that, but now I'm not satisfied with remaining at home alone without adult company to talk to.  There is just so much TV and visiting friends online that I can take.  I want to see and talk to LIVE people in person.  I want to live a full life again without any restrictions or rules.  I'm not saying that I want to go out with someone of the opposite sex.  No!  That's not what I want.   I'm just saying that I want to go out and do things that I love to do.  Things that I used to enjoy.  I'm not getting any younger and time is short for me, so I have to do this now while I still can.

I miss my family,  I miss my kids.  We used to go places together and we spent a lot of time together, but it all stopped with Jimmy's death.  It wasn't their fault that it stopped, but mine, and mine alone.  I couldn't cope with Jimmy's death, so I turned to strangers.  Why strangers you ask?  Because strangers didn't know Jimmy or remind me of the precious thing that I had lost.  I buried my grief because I couldn't handle it, but it surfaces from time to time and lately I feel it almost daily.  You'd think that after almost 4 years that the hurt wouldn't be so bad, but I still miss him even tho Rick is here.  Rick is about the farthest thing away from Jimmy, he's the total opposite.  Rick is so uncaring and takes pride in being a bully.  He even brags about it.  Rick likes no one, I mean no one.  It's like going from being with a saint to living with the devil himself.  I guess I put up with Rick because I need to be punished because I'm still alive and Jimmy is dead.  Maybe if I had been more loving and taken better care of Jimmy, he would still be here.  I know this really isn't true, because I loved Jimmy with all my heart, and I took very good care of him.  Sometimes I just feel that I need to be punished for just being alive, so I let Rick treat me shabbily, call me awful nasty names and walk all over me.  I'm not dumb and I know what he's been doing all this time, but I don't really care so I put up with it.  Don't get me wrong, Rick has his good qualities too and that's the Rick that I first fell in love with.

When I first met Rick and got to know him, he stole my heart even tho we were just friends at the time.  I spent a year being his friend and sometimes I feared losing his friendship more than I feared losing the relationship that I was in at the time.  At first I didn't realize this until one day Rick threatened to stop being my friend.  I remembered that Steve had broken up with me that day, and I called my brother Ron at 2:00 a.m. in the wee hours of the morning sobbing about the breakup, but mostly about losing Rick's friendship.  My brother listened and it was that night that we both  realized that it was Rick that I was really crying about and not the breakup with Steve.  

Rick was a real gentleman in those days, and a very good friend.  Rick has continued to be my friend, and I have continued to love him.  My relationship with Rick has always been one-sided.  I loved him and he didn't love me.  I thought that this would change after time, but it hasn't changed one bit.  He has grown meaner and more distant, and treats me like a child who knows nothing about anything.  I live under strict rules in my own house with his threats of leaving if I don't obey them.  Lately, and from time to time, I buck the system and it all goes haywire.  Rick can stay mad and refuse to talk to me for days at a time, but at least on those days I don't hear the bad names or the bullying.  The verbal abuse stops. I used to cry when Rick would do this, but now I have  gotten hardened to the verbal abuse and I speak my mind to him when he spews his constant sarcasm over me, and anyone else he knows.  Lately my mouth is what starts the arguments.  To be honest, it has always been my mouth that starts the arguments.  I've always expressed my dislike for the name calling and those ridiculous rules that I must live under.  

Even tho I still care about Rick, I refuse to be treated like scum and if he can't stop, then he knows what he can do about his living arrangements.  I won't ask him to leave.  That will be his choice alone, because I still have hope that one day he will treat me with the respect and love that I deserve.  I'm a nice person who helps him in any way he needs help.  I work alongside him when needs me, and I ask for nothing in return but a little respect.  Surely that's not too much to ask for?  

So for now I am enjoying my quiet time away from the abuse and I'm talking with family.  I hope that this time Rick really realizes that I won't tolerate his verbal abuse or his rules any longer.  I love him, but I have my limits.  And besides that, my stress level has been so high that it is not good for my health.

Here is sweet me

and,

below is the bully.

(I know that's not fair.  Rick was acting silly at the time and making me laugh.)

I've been thinking about you.......

Why did you have to die and leave me here all alone?  It's not fair that I have to be here without you.  I miss you so much Honey!  No matter how much I try, I can't find anyone to take your place.  They always fall short, and it seems that I need two men to take your place, and that doesn't work well because someone always gets jealous.  I miss you so much that I can't stand it!  It's almost been a year now without you (Oct. 10) and a moment doesn't go by that I'm not thinking about you and missing you.

Oh Christmas Tree, Poor Christmas Tree

I was watching a Christmas movie and dozing off and on when suddenly I heard that so familiar sound of the Christmas tree,  crashing to the floor.  Thank goodness,  that was the last ornament left on the tree.  There are no more, but the angel on top, and hopefully the cats won't go after that would they????  I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

The tree has been sitting in that very spot for two years, yes two whole years, not bothered by anything except dust bunnies.  Then I put a dozen tiny little colorful ornaments on it, and the fun began.  

Some of the cats are skillful enough to remove just the ornaments, but one or two are not!  I've picked up that tree off the floor a dozen times, re-hung the ornaments until I got smart and started leaving them off. 

It's a funny thing tho.  If the tree is lit up with its blinking red, blue, green & purple lights,  the cats won't bother it.  Go figure huh?

Well, it's time to listen to an assortment of my favorite Christmas songs and watch my TV's screen saver,  which is a slideshow of Jimmy.  Love falling asleep to his handsome face.  I still can't believe that he's gone...... 

my thoughts today

Jimmy has been very lucky to have lived 3 years with a Stage IV lung cancer, and now he is in the final stages of his disease.  Every night as I lay next to him in bed, I think to myself that this might be the last night that we spend together, so then I snuggle up to him and hug him, all the while trying not to hurt him or wake him up.  When he is sound asleep he is not feeling any pain, so I hate to wake him up even tho sometimes I want to talk to him I let him sleep.  I’m always hoping that in the morning I will have another chance to talk to him again.  I think we have already said our goodbyes when he first came home from the hospital and was at his best.  It wasn’t sad, he just thanked me for all the wonderful and happy years that we had spent together and told me all the things that anyone would want to hear and I did the same.  We discussed our lives together, and in the back of our minds we both knew that we didn’t have much time left together, so we were saying all those 'said and unsaid' things that you think you are supposed to say that are in your heart so that nothing will be left unsaid and parting will be easier….but is it ever easier really?  

I try to hold myself and things together to give him hope, all the while praying for a miracle.  I don’t want him to know how much it hurts watching him suffer in pain like he is, because knowing him the way that I do, he would blame himself for causing me such pain and that’s not the way it should be.  It’s not his fault that he has cancer, it’s this awful disease that has taken over his body and is spreading throughout his bones.  Maybe one day they will find a cure, but it’ll be too late for my sweet Jimmy, who continues to be as sweet and kind as he ever was as he grows weaker and weaker by the day.

Health Update

No need for medication!  Jimmy is feeling better this morning, on his own.  His fever was less during last night than the night before, and was gone by this morning.  He woke up cool as a cucumber.  He still has slight chest pain when he takes deep breaths, so I will keep a good eye on him throughout this holiday weekend :))  

 
The pictures are of the flowers that are blooming in my yard at the moment.  The top is of Peonies and the bottom picture is a pretty weed that grows among my flowers.  I have many weeds, and they all have pretty little flowers somewhere on them. I have noticed from looking over flower blogs in different parts of the country, that some people's flowers are other people's weeds.

Hanging out with Myles and Sharon

We spent yesterday with Sharon and my great-grandson Myles.  I have never been more surprised as I was yesterday over Myles.  He has grown so much since we last saw him and he is talking so well now.  You can actually carry on a conversation with him and his speech is very clear.  He's so funny too and, for once he recognized who we were because we don't get to see him as often as I would like because of Jimmy's chemo.  Myles is pretty healthy, so we get to see him more than our other little ones, and my granddaughter Megan said that he was asking about us a day or so ago.  So, I guess we were fresh in his memory :)

Sharon was so sweet to drive us around Lexington, Ky. yesterday.  We had a great time and will have to do this more often.  Since I had Sharon captive, lol,  I took the opportunity to have her stop at the nursery that is right next to Chili's on Richmond Road and I bought her two hanging baskets of flowers for her upcoming birthday and just because I love her so much!  She mentioned that she had been wanting some after I told her that we had stopped to look at some for her at Kroger's. 

Below are some pictures that we took yesterday, and as usual, if you want to see more just go to the right side, scroll down until you find, My Family then scroll down to SANDY'S PHOTO ALBUMS and then for the latest May pictures look in the folder titled,  May 2014 James Wallace.

 Myles, his usual lovable little self.  

He always has a hug for everyone,

even his Papaw :)

 Papaw helping to put Myles

into his carseat.

 Sharon with her two hanging

baskets of flowers.  Good thing that

her new car has a big trunk,

and it was empty.

 Myles just can't give his grandma

enough kisses.  It's still hard for 

me to realize that my daughter's 

are now the grandma's,  and not me.

 Jimmy still gives out kisses too!

 Peekaboo,

I see you :)

 Sharon found a place to hang her

baskets of flowers and they look

so pretty.

Sharon must have really been

surprised when she got home

because, 

 Megan surprised her mother

with this pretty planter of flowers

when she got home :)  

We also got to see a pair of geese with baby geese.  When Myles and I approached them they felt threatened and walked across a parking lot drive and held up traffic.  Apparently the geese are not afraid of cars because they weren't in any hurry to cross the road.  We also found our Senator's office in Lexington, Ky. by accident.  Now I know where to go if I have a complaint,  or just to thank him.  

I think I'll call her Aubrey

It stopped raining about noon yesterday and it turned out to be a very beautiful day.  Today the sun is out and the expected high will be in the low 80's.  Our weather here is very touchy in April and May.  We can go from 80 degree weather to freezing temps for our high to constant rain that won't let up for a week.  One year it rained on the weekends for 13 weekends in a row and everyone who had a Mon-Fri work week, including myself, got really fed up seeing Monday morning arrive all sunny and pretty.  Of course after about 3 weekends of rain, I got smart and headed out of the state for the weekends, to where the sun was.

Jimmy and I don't have any plans for today, but we never make plans other than getting up out of bed.  It's because we never know how Jimmy will be feeling.  Now that Spring is here, and the days are warming up I'm more inclined to start making plans again.  Besides, Jimmy has been feeling better and I'm getting used to what and when things happen to him after he has chemo.

We have been venturing out a little farther than just to eat everyday, and Jimmy is doing fine.  I can tell when he is tired, so I don't push it any further.  Even asking Jimmy where he would like to eat is a chore for him.  He would rather that I didn't ask and just take us somewhere.  

Eating isn't as enjoyable to him as it is to me.  He eats only to survive.  Jimmy lost his sense of taste and smell sometime before 2008, we don't know exactly when, or even in what year it was.  I just know that on a trip in 2008 was when I noticed him happily eating guacamole dip.  Everyone who knows Jimmy well,  knows that there are certain things that he won't eat and avocados are on the list and so is rice which he also ate that summer.

Before I finish here I have to tell you some good news.  We have tamed a feral female mother cat.  This morning she got out of her box and came to meet me when I stepped out on the porch.  She has been letting me pet her and I guess in return I get to guard her four kittens while she goes to pee.  One of her kittens is black n white and is marked exactly like one of the big roaming tomcats who stops by this area.  In fact, that tom was laying on our front porch last night, but ran off when he saw me.  I haven't picked up or touched her kittens because I don't want to give her reason to move them, but it is hard not to pick them up and hold them.  They are about 4 days old.  The mothers coat is black and rusty brown and very thick.  I think she is very sweet and craving human interaction.  This is her second litter, and she must be a very good mother because all of her last years litter survived and are so wild that they run when they see you, but we can see them through the windows.  Since Aubrey is tamed now, we can get her fixed once she weans her kittens.  I just hope that she doesn't move her litter, so that we can also tame them and find them good homes.

I love sharing pictures of Jimmy. He looks good today doesn't he?

UPDATE

Jimmy got congested last Wednesday afternoon and developed a slight cough, but today he is already feeling much better.  The hoarseness in his voice is almost gone, as well as his cough, and his snotty nose has about dried up.  I am very surprised at how fast he seems to be recovering considering all things.

Jimmy's last cat scan on Monday was good.  The cancer is not spreading and the chemo is working.  It is not known if they see live cancer cells or dead ones in his lungs, but the important factor is that it is not spreading to other organs and tissues in his body, so Jimmy will not be getting a break from chemo as he was hoping to get.  He didn't want to stop chemo, just take a little break from it, but his doctor is afraid that the cancer will grow with a break.

Unfortunately, Jimmy's chemo has been put off for a week because he was too dehydrated.  They gave him 1500 ml of IV fluids and retested him, but his creatinine stayed at 2.5 which they said was still too high.  He is drinking water, gatorade and Ensure like it is going out of style and I can see a big change in him already.  He is perking up and his blood pressure is slowly rising back up to normal.  He is also starting to eat again with the help of a liquid medication called Megestrol taken twice a day.  I told the doctor that Jimmy doesn't eat well so he prescribed a daily vitamin for seniors for Jimmy to take.

I am beginning to feel better about Jimmy now, and especially since he is laughing while watching America's Funniest Home Videos.  It's been a while since he has laughed at the TV and it sounded like music to my ears.

Today was sunny and warmer than it has been in a while, so we took advantage of it and spent a little time outside getting our share of Vitamin D.  That just might be why Jimmy feels so good tonight.  He might have also had Cabin Fever too!
Hope that all of you got out and enjoyed this beautiful day too!
Talk to you later......

I never wanted to be a nagging wife

I'm having a hard time getting Jimmy to eat.  He eats like a mouse anyway and since he can't smell or taste, everything tastes about as good as cardboard would taste to you.  He always loved pears, so I bought him some of those good pears and he won't eat any of them on his own.  I can get him to share one with me if I sit down next to him and feed him slices of the pear alternately with me, but he won't get one of his own to eat.  I really worry about him.  I've been cooking small amounts of food every day and he eats a few spoonfuls and says that he's full.  He's drinking his Ensure, but I sure wish that he would eat better.  If I can just get him to eat something 10 times a day, then he might consume one full meal.

Oh, and PLEASE DON'T ASK ME ABOUT HIS FLUID INTAKE!!!  That's a sore spot for both of us and I have become a nagging wife when it comes to trying to get him to drink or eat soups, fruits or anything that might pass as fluids.  Dehydration is something we battle with every day,
and I'm finding out just how stubborn he can be.

Expected High Today 45F Degrees

Boy! it sure does feel good and it almost feels like a tee-shirt kind of day, but only for a minute or two and then I had to come back in the house to warm up.  It's 39 degrees right now and the house is dripping and was forming icicles until I took the broom outside and broke them all off.  I saw a large one fall and I was afraid that one might fall and hit someone or some cat and hurt them.   Can't have that!

Jimmy had chemo yesterday and is doing pretty well.  He woke up and did some of his usual chores that he likes doing around the house, but now he's dozing.  He's pretty tired and that's pretty understandable considering, so I'll let him rest as much as he wants to today.  I have plenty of food and will fix something here for us to eat.  We try to get out everyday, but I think that today might just be one of those days when we just stay in and rest.....besides, I heard that the flu is getting more rampant and even though we've had our flu shots, I don't like even being around anyone who might be sick.  Jimmy doesn't need that.

We kind of got good news yesterday from the oncologist.  He said that maybe it might be time for Jimmy to take a needed break from chemo.  He asked Jimmy how he would feel about that, and Jimmy said that he would love it!  So we will see.  Dr. Badin (pronounced Ba deen) ordered a cat scan for the end of January and depending on the results,  Jimmy will get his needed break....only a break unless Jimmy choses to completely stop, but right now Jimmy wants to continue with chemo for as long as it takes....but he would like a break just like a working man would like a vacation.

Every single family member is doing fine.  No one is sick and Brian is taking it easy with his back since his last injection.  Brandon is back at college after the Christmas break and has started a new semester of classes.  Megan is recovering from her last surgery and is happy as a lark being at home with her family for now.  She will return to work in another week.  Scott received good news at work and that's about all I know about that for now.  If he has further news I'm sure we will be the first to know :)  I feel great knowing that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are all doing fine and that Jimmy might get his needed break from chemo....I can only imagine how good Jimmy will feel and this will give me even more joy :)  We are all starting out the new year with good news.

In other news as far as I know, no one had any frozen water pipes that burst, and no one slipped and fell on ice.  All the outside feral cats survived the -5F degrees and are also doing fine, including Hemi.  Jimmy always says that cats know where to go to get warm, but I still worried about them until I saw them yesterday.  The six cats that are litter trained we kept as prisoners in the house and didn't let out until the weather was good....now they won't stay out even though they couldn't wait to be set free.

So there you have it.....my life in a nutshell :)

Another Good Week for Jimmy

I can't believe how well Jimmy is doing with his chemo.  This is week two of his fifth cycle I believe, and he is doing great with just some minor aches and a little fatigue, but that's not keeping him down, or holding him back from getting out and doing a few winter chores.

I am making sure that he keeps his distance from anyone who might show signs of being sick or who have been in the company of a sick person or child.....and so far so good.  Some of Jimmy's blood chemistry results were a little on the low side so  Jimmy knows that he cannot go up to his friends or relatives and just hug them like he is so used to doing, but the other day he forgot and hugged a cousin before he thought.  His cousin later assured him that she was not sick or had been in the company of anyone else who was not feeling well.  Several days have passed now, so I think we escaped squeaky clean and virus free :)  Some family members don't like this arrangement, but the object of the chemo is to make Jimmy well and extend his life.

The holidays are going to be hard on some family members because they love coming over for Thanksgiving Dinner, but this year we are not having a Thanksgiving Dinner at our house because Jimmy will be having chemo the day before Thanksgiving Day if all goes as planned.  Christmas is still up in the air for us and we won't know anything about that until we get closer to Christmas.

Jimmy still has one more week of freedom from doctors appointments, blood tests or cat scans.....and of course chemo too.   He loves these moments and is enjoying every single day....
and so am I.

RELAXING......

This has been such a relaxing day.  Jimmy has been outside for the last two days doing the normal things that he always did before.  It's nice seeing him taking interest in all the activities that he used to love doing.  There is still one thing that he isn't allowed to do yet, and that is to ride his motorcycle and he has almost stopped asking me why he can't take it out for a spin.

Of course you know that I am here at the moment writing to you, and doing one of the things I like to do while I write and that is listen to music.  My grandson Zac says that I have lots of music, but he'd be really amazed at how much music my brother Dennis has.

It got cold last night, so today I put 6 new warm fluffy cat beds out in the cat building for the cats and I put pillows and blankets in two dog houses that are raised and on a platform in another part of the yard....cats like to sleep in high places.  In the cat building the cats have shelves at different heights and they like that.  The front porch has a covered dog carrier that one, and sometimes two of the neighbors cats sleep in, so I need to wash those cat blankets too.  The cats keep us busy.   We have one strictly inside cat which is Squeak, and four cats that go in and out all day long.   We have 5 cats, but claim 6.
BUT.....we take care of many cats who are forever coming and going which to our best estimate there are 18 who have become permanent residents of our yard, plus the roaming tomcats who wander in from time to time which I am not counting.  I think we feed and care for enough cats that we should be considered a "cat shelter."

I didn't mean to sit down here and write about cats, but I did, and now that you're thoroughly bored I'll say,
Goodbye.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE SHEIK / EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

I'm listening to music and don't know quite how to feel, or maybe I should say, I don't know how I should be feeling.  I should be happy because today was a day spent with family starting with breakfast with Brian, Reva, Ron and Jimmy.  Breakfast was nice and relaxing with a good time had by all, followed by a continuation of our visit with Brian and Reva coming over to the house for a longer visit.  It was very nice spending time with just the two of them,  because I hadn't seen them for a month or so, because of Jimmy's chemo schedule.

Next Ray came over and prayed over Jimmy which is always a Blessing, but before Ray arrived, or maybe I should say, as Ray was driving by our house I took a tumble and fell down and lucky for me, my nose broke my fall or I might have gotten really hurt.   And the best news of all is that I didn't break my iPad!
Of course when Ray pulled into our driveway I pretended I was down on the ground pulling up weeds and he bought it until Jimmy spilled the beans and told him that I had fallen.  So Ray prayed over me too.

After Ray left we continued on our journey to go find a barber to cut Jimmy's hair.  He was told that his hair might fall out because of chemo but it hasn't.  Upon our return from the barber shop we got a phone call......Jimmy's chemo, scheduled for tomorrow, was postponed because of a continuously rising Creatinine level......this was the disappointing news of the day to both Jimmy and I.  We were both upset.  Jimmy was then asked to submit a 24 hour urine test and from those results the oncologist will decide what course of action to take next. There's a possibility that the chemo drug, Alimta, may have to be discontinued, and the worst thing about that is that it is working.  You can imagine how we felt when we heard this.  Our joy of yesterday was flushed down the toilet.

Now we had to wipe our tears of disappointment away and go meet Sharon, Megan and Myles.  Little did we know that they would make us forget even if it was just for a little while.  We laughed as we watched Myles and his antics, his cuteness as he called out, "Papaw, Papaw, and Gramma Sanny.  Megan and Sharon made us laugh and they also surprised me with an early birthday cake and a very nice laptop purse.  It's very Sheik and I love it! but of course everything that they give me is Sheik and fashionable.  I have some really pretty purses thanks to Sharon and Megan.

Last of all my sweet little Suzanne stopped in to check on us at the end of the day.  I know that Ray told her that I had fallen.  The news had spread as far as Winchester minutes after I had fallen, and I know it wasn't 'no little birdie' who told everyone, but someone (named Ray) who shall remain nameless.  Of course Suzanne also knew about the disappointing news that Jimmy had received earlier in the day and she was here to make sure that we were okay.  She's sweet that way :)

After writing about my day, I'm thinking that I just have to accept the bad along with the good and trust in God with all of His Wisdom, and just leave it all in His Hands.

VERY GOOD NEWS

Today we were given VERY GOOD NEWS.  The chemo is doing its job!!!!
PRAISE THE LORD.....

Say Goodbye to Tarceva

As of last Monday Jimmy was taken off his lung cancer medication Tarceva.  Jimmy experienced too many bad side effects in the first week culminating with a blood clot in his leg.  The dangers to him far outweighed the possible benefits of this drug that he only took for two weeks.  He was getting worse and his quality of life was awful and getting worse by the day.  It was a mutual decision between Jimmy and his oncologist to stop taking his daily dose of Tarceva 100 MG.

Today Jimmy is starting to feel some better.  The swelling of his leg has gone down by 50%, so I'm assuming that the blood clot is dissolving.  The rest of his symptoms are getting slowly better, but he is still having trouble breathing especially when the air is heavy, hot and humid.  He tires easily and now needs a daily afternoon nap.  This may change once all the drugs are out of his system.  By drugs, I mean the main pill, plus all the drugs taken to fight off the horrible side effects.  If Jimmy can just get back to where he was 3 weeks ago, we will all be happy.  Prayers and positive thinking can do wonders and I am asking everyone for both.

Trying to stay positive

Jimmy took his first dose of the cancer killing drug Tarceva 150 mg. yesterday.  It is a costly pill that he has to take everyday.  We are trying to keep a positive attitude and pray that it works.  The biological testing results did not turn out as the oncologist had hoped for.  Jimmy's cancer cells did not mutate but we can only hope that this little magic pill will have some effect on the cancer, and a 5% chance is better than no chance at all.  With prayer and positive thoughts, the 5% can possibly be turned into 100%.

I have always believed in the power of the mind over your body, and when you practice that and believe in God, how can you lose!  We are all trying to be strong for Jimmy, but at times I falter and get very angry that he has gotten this disease once more.  I don't mean that I show anger to Jimmy, I just get angry within myself.  I am begging everyone for positive thoughts and prayers for my husband who is a dear, sweet, kind and loving soul.  I love him very much and would gladly trade places with him right now.

It was a Thoracentesis kind of day today.