2020 Started out without me

I spent New Year's Eve divided by walls between Rick and I.  We watched TV alone and brought in the new year alone, even tho we were in the same house together.  We didn't talk all day yesterday because I questioned him on turning up the heat at his house to protect canned food, but not turning up the heat to protect all the batteries in my building.  I should have just kept my mouth shut and let him do whatever he wanted to do at his house.  It really is no concern, or should be of any concern to me.  That was my first mistake.  My second mistake was to tell Rick that I would be spending time visiting my son while he was at McDonald's visiting his friends yesterday.  I saw that to be a good thing for me to do since I hadn't hung out with my son for a while.  As a result of voicing that to Rick, he didn't go anywhere, he didn't leave the house all day long because he knew that I wouldn't go up there unless he was gone.....so he didn't leave, but instead chose to stay home and not talk to me for the rest of the day.

All in all, it didn't turn out so bad.  Rick is still here and today is another day.  He will eventually leave to go hang out with his friends at McDonald's and I will eventually get to hang out a little with my son.  My son needs guidance at the moment.  I thought he was doing good, but then I got a text from his wife late last night that told me some awful things about him which have led me to wonder how he is spending his days.  I don't know whether to say anything to him about what his estranged wife has said to me, or just to treat him as normally as I possibly can and let him deal with his own inner demons.  

I think I have made up my mind not to pass on anything that was said in her text.  It was only meant to hurt, and things like that should just stop with me and not go on any further.  Rick did see the text, and he has a big mouth and will spread these tales, whether true or not, to his brother who just can't keep his mouth shut.  That is my only regret.....that Rick tells his brother everything that goes on in this house and it gets spread all over town.  Those two are the worst gossips in town, and if there is no news they will make some up.  They think it's funny to talk about people, but I think it's a cruel and nasty disease.  I just had a thought.....what I'm doing here on this blog is also akin to gossip with only my side of the story being told.  I need to stop.

The couch never complains

Rick and I are doing fine.  Things are pretty much back to a new normal.  Although he still has one foot out the door and doesn't spend much time with me, we are getting along and that's all that matters.  It seems that he would rather spend most of his free time hanging out at McDonald's visiting with his brother and whoever comes in there.  That's okay with me just as long as he is nice to me when he is with me.  Because he spends most of his free time hanging out with his buddies, I now have all the time in the world to make sure that my son is comfortable, and to care for his emotional state.  My son on the other hand is making every effort to give Rick & I our privacy.

Rick hurt his back and he doesn't know how.  I think it was when he lifted one end of my son's sectional couch yesterday.  Today he's complained about his back hurting more than it usually does and he has gone to bed so that he can lay flat.  Besides, it is bedtime anyway.  Remember that couch I had to move all by myself without Rick's help?   Yep, that's the one.

I've been very happy for the last two days.  Rick has been talking about us in the future tense, so I know that he still wants me in his life.  He does slip back every once in a while to let me know that he hasn't forgotten how it has been for us in the last month, and he makes himself mad, like he always did at times.  He is still punishing me for the circumstances of these pasts few weeks with my son showing up at my doorstep, even tho I had nothing to do with it, so I am still sleeping on the couch among other things.  I've grown to like the couch, so it doesn't bother me sleeping on it.