Monday, July 10, 2006


It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my husband about the meaning of life. He spent that night at his mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," He said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. He exploded in rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a Poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
author unknown


Peter said...

I THINK I love that one Sandy

squire said...

This a priceless. Thanks so much. I think! Does this mean one could be arrested for TWT (driving while thinking). Not that it happens very offen.

squire said...

TWT should be DWT, guess I can't be arrested as it is obvious I wasn't thinking.

Tomas Dennis said...

Thinking is what I do best. Most people assume that thinkers do not work but that is a wives tale because I have done some work great while in thought and have been complimented because of the way I thought.

PEA said...

Sheesh, now I'm scared of thinking about anything!!! lol Love it!!

Sue said...

I don't know what to "think" about this, or even if I should think!

doubleknot said...

Though some thinking is good some of mine has gotten me into trouble over the years - or was it not thinking - some days I just blessfully walk through thinkless and others oh, my I think and think. Maybe I should check into TA. I know my last employers didn't want me to think then they changed their minds and wanted every one to think - the business went under.

TUFFENUF said...

Once I had to take meds because I was thinking too much to sleep! Now I am better, if I start thinking too much, I turn on the television.

LZ Blogger said...

Sandy ~ Fortunately about halfway through this I realized that it was HUMOR! I was just about to start felling sorry for you and Mr. Abandoned. Although... with that movie watching self-help TA Program, I wouldn't have to worry about what the word “SYLLOGISM” means in this (or any other) context?! ~ jb///

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

dennis...I like your way of thinking too, so don't change.

somershade said...

Hubby is the big thinker in the family, I layed off years ago.been happy ever since.

Franny said...

Thanks for making me realize that I have a problem. I am a thinkaholic. *Sniffle*. It's a DISEASE! It runs in my family!

bornfool said...

I tried thinking once but it gave me an awful headache.

Ava said...

Oh my gosh, that was hillarious!!!!! Too funny!!!

Kerri said... there's a causal factor for deliberation. I don't even want to think about it!
Love this Sandy. Thanks :)