I did an unforgivable thing yesterday. I had The Shop where my riding mower was repaired deliver the mower to my home at a cost of $35. To 'one' this was an unforgivable thing for me to have done, and my reaction to hearing this was terrible. I spend my whole days doing things that will please this person. I stay home, I don't spend any money or run the roads and burn the gas, and up the miles on my cars. I do as I'm told most of the time, and I thought I was doing something good by saving this person's free time by not having to go borrow a trailer and haul my mover home on their precious free time, that this person gets so little of. Apparently I was wrong, and things quickly went down hill from there. Today things are still on shaky ground and I don't believe that this friendship is going to last much longer. I can't please this person no matter what I do. I feel like such a failure and I shouldn't.
I also spent the afternoon yesterday cooking a special casserole that I thought they would love, but they wouldn't eat it, so I threw it all out in the trash. I was hurt and I know that I shouldn't have done that, but I worked so hard to get this made, and then I went out and mowed the lawn. I felt really good, like I had accomplished something good, only to be disappointed and cut down for having the mower delivered.
My reactions to negativity and aggression against me are not good, but I just don't know a better way to react, so they will take notice that they hurt me, when all I was trying to do was save them time.
It seems that the harder I try to please someone, the worse things get. Maybe I should be an a**hole and tell them to shove it up their a** instead of spending my nights and days crying over something that I should have gotten a thank you for instead.