Friday, September 09, 2016

unforgivable......what do you think?

I did an unforgivable thing yesterday.  I had The Shop where my riding mower was repaired deliver the mower to my home at a cost of $35.  To 'one' this was an unforgivable thing for me to have done, and my reaction to hearing this was terrible.  I spend my whole days doing things that will please this person.  I stay home, I don't spend any money or run the roads and burn the gas, and up the miles on my cars.  I do as I'm told most of the time, and I thought I was doing something good by saving this person's free time by not having to go borrow a trailer and haul my mover home on their precious free time, that this person gets so little of.  Apparently I was wrong, and things quickly went down hill from there.  Today things are still on shaky ground and I don't believe that this friendship is going to last much longer.  I can't please this person no matter what I do.  I feel like such a failure and I shouldn't.

I also spent the afternoon yesterday cooking a special casserole that I thought they would love, but they wouldn't eat it, so I threw it all out in the trash.  I was hurt and I know that I shouldn't have done that, but I worked so hard to get this made, and then I went out and mowed the lawn.  I felt really good, like I had accomplished something good, only to be disappointed and cut down for having the mower delivered.  

My reactions to negativity and aggression against me are not good, but I just don't know a better way to react, so they will take notice that they hurt me, when all I was trying to do was save them time.

It seems that the harder I try to please someone, the worse things get.  Maybe I should be an a**hole and tell them to shove it up their a** instead of spending my nights and days crying over something that I should have gotten a thank you for instead.


Cheyenne said...

OK, time for me to weigh in. I have been reading your posts for years now. lately I cannot believe some of the things that happen to you. I think what you need to do is whenever someone hurts you and they don't seem to realize it, you should bring the subject up and talk it out because maybe they don't even know they are hurting you. I also believe that you need to follow your own heart, do things that you want to do, and don't worry about others because remember one thing: nobody can please anyone all the time and you have to start pleasing yourself. Some people just "don't get it" and they need to be reminded of what they are doing. You do not need to be feeling bad all the time. This is your time to rise above all this, do things because you want to do them, and don't try to please people who do not seem to want to be pleased.
If people are doing things that are hurting you it isn't healthy to keep that in and stew...just get it out and see how much better you will feel. Trust me.

Dennis 2016 said...

I think you should take care of Sandy and let others come visit if they please. I think your days of pleasing everyone is over for now and it is time to just please Sandy. I know we find it rewarding to help or please others but it seems that they do not care if you do or don't. Financially you only have for your personal needs at the moment unless you find a nice wealthy human being that wants to share with you.
There are plenty of wealthy folks around that want company or just a traveling companion.
You are welcome to stay with us for a bit until you find someone like that.
Love ya and take care.