A night with "Alice 4"

I flunked my sleep test…what a disappointment…I can’t even pass something as simple as sleeping. I have to go back for another night with that dreadful machine called Alice 4 and her trusty companion CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) on April 15th.

I didn’t flunk it because I couldn’t sleep, but because of the way I sleep, the quality of my sleep…or more specific the lack of oxygen I get while I sleep. This explains why I sometimes get irritable and lack energy during the day. And also answers the question that has been bothering me the most…the forgetfulness. Example: The respiratory therapist told me to put my jammies on and then sit in the chair, but I couldn’t remember if he said to call him when I was ready or that he would see me thru the video cameras sitting in the chair…So I hopped on over to the office in my jammies and told him I forgot what he told me to do after I got ready. He followed me back to my room and we played with CPAP and I practiced breathing with it on for a little while. Then he connected the wires and we played another game…”Simple Simon Says,” while he checked to see if all the connections worked and if I had any brain waves. Then I was off to sleep.

I had a wonderful action packed dream saving lives. I dreamt I was in medical school and doing my internship at a Naval hospital. I was quite good at my job and right before I woke up I was dancing in the arms of an Air force officer in full uniform, no doubt a doctor...and we were gliding across the dance floor like they do in “Dancing with the Stars” and Jimmy was cheerfully talking off to the side with the other officers and watching me dance. Then the therapist walked in, and woke me up. Was it already 6:00 a.m ? Wait a minute, I haven’t had any sleep!!! I wanna skip breakfast.

After a cold shower, because I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the fancy faucet, I ate breakfast and returned to my room for a nap…and this time without the wires.

This is the dreadful part of Alice 4…all the wires. I almost cancelled my appointment when my daughter told me of the gooey gel stuff they use to attach the electrodes in your hair with. The therapist took a total body picture of me all wired up, but it’s so awful looking that you’ll never see it. Please don’t try to use your imagination either, it’s not pretty.

Here’s a partial picture of me with the CPAP mask on. It was just a practice run to see if the mask & I got along.

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During my mid-morning nap, the doctor came in to wake me with print-outs of squiggly lines, that looked like an EKG gone wild printed on two separate pages. He had a pamphlet in his hand entitled Understanding Sleep Apnea with a picture of a yawning woman on the front which he tossed to me and said, “Here’s a picture of you.”
He then proceeded to give me the results and told me that I had sleep apnea…that my brain woke up 24 times each hour, all night long and that my oxygen level was 70 (what he’d like it to be was 98-100) and that the amount of rest I got while sleeping was “0” zero, zilch, nada. He also said I had Restless Leg Syndrome during sleep and that I kicked like a mule all night until I was given the magic pill…then he showed me the part of the chart where the leg thrashing stopped completely. He told me that I would have to return for another night and this time, in addition to all the electrodes, I would be wearing the CPAP air mask all night long. Oh what fun!

Although this looks pretty harmless, this is what bothered me the most while sleeping. I didn’t realize that I roll my hands in a fist and tuck the left hand under my chin while I sleep. The bandage wouldn’t allow my finger to bend and this bothered me the most…not the wires.
And yes, I did get tripped up on the electrodes on my legs, right after the therapist put them on and, I accidentally yanked one of them off…
Unfortunately I couldn’t get the rest of them pulled off.

I thought I was covered with ring worms, but alas…it was only the mark of the electrodes and cleared up in a day or two. And Dion, my respiratory therapist bless his heart, saved me a bundle when he treated me to a FREE hair removal (like waxing but with tape instead) from my chin, cheeks & forehead. I had a few red blotches and a little rash on my chin, but that too cleared up.