Born January 20, 1952
Because today's your Birthday
And because You're Special too,
It's time to send a GREAT BIG HUG
With lots of Love for You.
Happy Birthday Little Brother!!!
And I'm glad you're back in our lives.
And because you have finally reached middle age some artist of the 60's and 70's are revising their best-loved hits with new lyrics to accommodate the aging baby boomers like yourself!
1. Herman's Hermits....Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
2. The Bee Gees...How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
3. Bobby Darin...Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
4. Ringo Starr...I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
5. Roberta Black...The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
6. Johnny Nash...I Can't See Clearly Now
7. Paul Simon...Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
8. Commodores...Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
9. Marvin Gaye...Heard it Through the Grape Nuts
10. Procol Harem...White Shade of Hair
11. Leo Sayer...You Make Me Feel Like Napping
12. James Brown...Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
13. Abba...Denture Queen
14. Tony Orlando...Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
15. Willie Nelson...On the Throne Again
16. Leslie Gore...It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To
And for fun, listed below are 18 Ways To Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field of all your checks, write "For Sexual Favors."
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy" or "May the force be with you."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
12. Sing along at the Opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream
"I Won!, I Won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
Now go out, have fun and celebrate your birthday and if you insist on lighting all those candles...I suggest you do it out on your patio. (chuckle, chuckle)
The 60's & 70's revised song titles and the 18 Ways to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity were taken from emails sent by Lexmark employees, with no authors named.