Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Kids & The Bible

This little gem arrived this morning and I thought I would share it with you…It’s really cute and another reason to treasure your kids because you just never know what will come out of their little mouths…or how they will interpret the things they hear or see.

Thanks Andi, for sending these little funny stories to all your friends & relatives and now it’s my turn to send them around the world. Maybe some of you have already read these little stories apparently written by Sunday school teachers, and for those of you that haven’t read these, I’m sure you’ll find them amusing.

Story Of Elijah
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophet of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

“Now,” said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, “I know! I know!” she said, “To make the gravy!”

Lot’s Wife
The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

Good Samaritan
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

Did Noah Fish?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”

“No,” replied David. “How could he, with just two worms?”

Higher Power
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

One child blurted out, “Aces!”

Moses and The Red Sea
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Ricky was excited about the task…but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the paster stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.”

Church Smiles
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments,” answered the lady.

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign…

“Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”
And finally here's a little poem to live by...I know most of my blogfriends already live by this message:

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.


Andi said...

You're welcome! I thought they were sweet!

Tammy said...

ahhh Sandy...I loved every one of these but the one that is sticking with me is Little Ricky and his "The Lord is My Shepherd...and that's all I need to know"!!!
I'll carry that with me all day long...thanks!!

Sue said...

These are all cute! I have several friends I will e-mail them to..

PEA said...

I love the innocence of children and how they interpret stories:-) Those were all great and I've copied them too!! Especially love the poem at the end:-) Take care! HUGS!!

Ava said...

Those were so cute! Can I share this on my blog? My friends in Ely would like this!!

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Ava...Yes of course you can share them on your blog.

Lee-ann said...

Sandy Hello,
I have had the best giggle today thank you I will take it with me through my busy day and when I stop a moment will think about these great comments you posted.

have yourself a lovely day <^..^>

Tim Rice said...

Thanks for the laughs and chuckles. :)

bornfool said...

Good ones. I especially liked the mom who turned into a telephone pole. :)

Peter said...

Out of the mouths of babes Sandy.

Val said...

"Kids say the darndest things." Thanks for these AIP.

Tanya said...

Very funny! I especially liked the girl's comment about what she would do if she saw a beaten person on the side of the road. At least she was honest...

Franny said...

That was really sweet, espcially "the lord is my shepherd, and that's all i need to know"! LOVE IT!

Alice said...

Those are just wonderful. So honest and innocent. Thanks ever so much for sharing those.

Kerri said...

Sandy, these are wonderful. Kids are so entertaining and funny in their innocence. "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt! I love them all, but this really tickled my funny bone :) Thanks!