I’ve been to the doctor so many times this month that I’m glad this month is almost over. Doctors can be so expensive that I have been compiling a list of home remedies in order to save money for a much needed vacation. Some of the list below I borrowed and some I made up myself. Perhaps you have a few remedies of your own that you can add to my list to help me out…I’d really appreciate it. Put on your thinking cap and leave your remedies in the comments.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. If you have an uncontrollable fever, simply put yourself in the freezer,
shut the lid and sleep there overnight. You'll be cool as a pop*sicle by morning.
9. To clean out your colon, eat or swallow a soapy sponge.
Make sure the sponge is large enough to swab the sides, otherwise
you may have to repeat the procedure.
10. Want to lose ugly fat the easy way? Take your spouse on a
very long ride…and leave them. Repeat as necessary.
11. Do you have an infected wound that won’t heal?
Let your cat lick it 3x per day and if it’s exceptionally large
you may need to use a large dog.
12. Save money and grow your own penicillin right in your breadbox. If you
don’t have a breadbox, simply store a piece of cheese in your refrigerator:
this may take a couple of weeks so start early.
13. To avoid poking your eye with your own finger, tie your hands
behind your back.
14. If you see someone choking on food please refer to the “Hind Lick Maneuver.”
15. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT, THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.