Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Don't take your husband to Wal*Mart

There’s not much going on around here. No pictures to share or any great events to tell you about unless you call going to Wal*Mart an event. And that was a bust…cause they didn’t have my Deli chicken, those little barbeque nuggets that I love so well. They haven’t had them for the last two times that I’ve stopped by to pick some up. I guess I’m going to have to start cooking again cause I’m getting tired of eating out. Tonight I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and I didn’t even burn it, so we threw a party to celebrate the momentous occasion. I have been known to set the kitchen on fire, so I am exempt from cooking and nobody expects it from me.

We had been on our way out to eat when I decided I would like to eat cheaply and made a detour off to Wal*Mart for the Deli Chicken. Since we didn’t find what I wanted Jimmy decided to buy some lunch meat, bologna to be precise, and a few fixins to go with it like potato chips. The total cost was $70…we could have eaten out somewhere nice, but we did pick up some extras like cat food and of course I had to have an assortment of fresh fruit to go with my sandwich. And since I don’t like bologna sandwiches, I skipped the sandwich and ate a little of each kind of fruit, well maybe more than a little. That reminds me…I need to go to back to pick up some more fruit. Jimmy has to have milk and won’t go to bed with just a small amount of milk left in the gallon jug and I’m the same way about fruit.

That wasn’t exactly the highlight of my day, but that leads me into the reasons why you shouldn’t take your husband to Wal*Mart if he doesn’t want to go. You may have already heard this one before, but I just read this today and thought it was funny. Enjoy.


This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. & Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal*Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men—he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women—she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal*Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the woman’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on Layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION-WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13: December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last by not least…

15. December 23: Went into the fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”


jellyhead said...

Tee hee!

See, Mrs Fenton just shouldn't take her husband shopping, period.
I leave mine at home and we're both happy!

Enjoy your fruit! :)

Paige said...

My beloved takes me to Walls-mart less and less. Whic is ok we are running out of room at our house.

JunieRose2005 said...

:) That's very funny.

Well....I try to avoid taking my husband to Wal- Mart...He doesn't act quite as bad as this Mr.Fenton, but he sure is a grumpy old bear for awhile!


Susie said...

I haven't seen this one, but Mr. Fenton sounds like he is trying to send a message doesn't he!
Your Walmart must have groceries. Ours doesn't...

Ava said...

That's a good one!

Hey, I know what you mean about the bill at Walmart adding up so quickly!

LZ Blogger said...

Sandy - #15 gets MY VOTE! ~ jb///

Val said...

Hey, Mr Fenton is my kinda guy! I love those ideas, wish I had the guts to carry them out myself. I'm one of those rare(?) women who have a male attitude towards shopping: I need something, I make a list, I go to the place where I can buy the thing(s) on my list, and then I'm outta there. Although I will make an exception in paper craft type stores...

Kerri said...

My husband would probably do all of the above (just kidding). This is hilarious Sandy :)
Fresh fruit rules!
I can't get out of Walmart without spending a fortune....but I don't go very often. It's a 35 min drive to our nearest Walmart. We live in the boonies.

T*mmy said...

Spending more than you mean to is one reason I hate to go to Walmart for one simple item...I don't know how they do it but I always Always ALWAYS get too much...and I always Always ALWAYS get in the one checkout line that refuses to move!!

Rachel said...

We have those chicken things here that you like!! I love their popcorn chicken.

I don't go too often but I spend lots when I do go. I stock up on a few things for hubby and the dog. It's the cheapest place to get the things I need for them. Pup's Beggin Strips aren't cheap anywhere!! Geesh!!

I just may be calling you soon. I think that Papa Leno's or whatever it is, is calling our names!! :)
You think???? Of course the real reason is that I've been missing you two!! It's been too long!

Rachel said...

I tried to vote for Jason. Hope it's not too late! The number was busy, but I'll keep trying.

Alipurr said...

my pastor parts of that in church one week, very cute

i always get stuck buying tons of stuff in wal mart too

Lee-ann said...

Mr Fenton would last about 5 minutes in this family I can see myself leaving him home that is for sure.

I loved your dinner you picked up and am still trying to work out "the fixings" what is that? is it like chutney etc. as well as the chips.......It must be American because we don't have that comment here in Australia, but you know I like it and may start using the saying I am off to pick up the fixings....yes it has a nice sound to it.

I always enjoy very much visiting your blog and know I am going to have a laugh when I do.

See you again real soon.

Anonymous said...

every time my husband goes shopping with me the cost doubles and we end up with junk food.!!