Sunday, January 06, 2008

A little Sunday humor

Today the temp has reached 60+º F, the sun is shining but it’s a little wet outside. It hasn’t rained today and Jimmy is trying to convince me that it’s heavy dew, but when does dew leave puddles??? It must have rained during the night sometime.

I haven’t been to Wal*Mart since before Christmas and I haven’t forgotten the crowds, so when Jimmy suggested we needed to make a visit there I wasn’t too thrilled. He said we were almost out of birdseed and cat food, so I suggested we make a trip while everyone else was in church.

I knew that we shouldn’t have gone to our local store here in town and just headed to the store which we had purchased the birdseed in the first place. I tried to tell him that just because it’s a Wal*Mart it doesn’t mean that they each carry the same items in each store. Well by now I know you guessed what happened. They didn’t have the specific type of birdseed that he wanted and the trip there cost us $68. Granted that was less than a trip to that particular store usually costs us, but if we hadn’t gone, we’d still have the $68. The only good thing that came out of that visit was that we stayed in there too long and ran into Sharon & Scott doing a little shopping after church. I invited them over for chili but their minister had just put the entire congregation on a two week liquid fast. I guess so they will be pure & all cleaned out inside when they move to their brand new church in two weeks.

Oh…and I did remember to buy a box of saltine crackers for our chili while I was there, so the $68 wasn’t a total loss.

The chili has been simmering and is now done. I was once told, “Feed them and they will come,” so I’m waiting to see who will come by to eat this pot full of chili that I made for out Sunday dinner. I also have some chicken for those that come and might not like chili.


It’s 3:30 and I’m still waiting for someone, anyone to stop by while I sip on a hot cup of green tea…Honey Lemon Ginseng to be exact. Who’s the one that fed me that fictitious line…”Feed them and they will come.” I think it was Sharon.

Well, here’s some real Sunday School Humor that I ran across while waiting for anyone off the street to stop in for a nice hot bowl of my famous chili:

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!”

A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

An elderly woman died last month! Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive. I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.

A police recruit was asked during the exam. “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby sitter.”

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”


CORRECTION…Just a minor correction to my last post if you read it. I was telling Jimmy that I had mentioned that he was helping to put up 33 trusses in a new barn and Jimmy exclaimed, “Thirty-three trusses! We weren’t building a warehouse. There were only 12 trusses.” I stand corrected. I guess he didn’t work as hard as I thought, hehehe.


JunieRose2005 said...

;0 Enjoyed your post, Sandy...

Too bad no one stopped by to have a bowl of chili with you! I was thinking of chili today too, but didn't make any... (we had FROZEN pizza for cooked-frozen pizza!)in fact, didn't do much of anything! I can't seem to get going on anything these days!

:) I didn't notice that'trusses' but I WOULDN'T notice- not knowing a thing about putting up a barn!

Jimmy sounds a lot like my husband -in the way of taking on any job that's there to do! It's a good thing!

Take care,


Rachel said...

Hahaha!! Loved the cute church jokes Sandy.

I didn't note the trusses error either but I guess I read and didn't think, (which is not uncommon for me), but 33 would be a large amount!!

Gee whiz, that chili sounds good. If I wasn't tied down here I might have driven up for a bowl and some chit-chat! That would have been fun, fun, fun!!

Tammy said...

It is 64º here this Monday afternoon...egads my sinus's are in a tiff!!

Loved your Church humor!

... Paige said...

I'll have a bowl of that chili, if there is any left.
I'm wearing a tank top and sandles.