Monday, October 05, 2009

You're always in my heart

I'm feeling mellow tonight. I feel loved and I feel on top of the world. I love feeling like this.

But have you ever wondered where you'd be if you had turned a different corner or made different choices in your life? I'm pretty satisfied with my children, or maybe I should reword that and say that I wouldn't trade my children for anything in life, nor would I want to lose my brothers or my husband either, but sometimes I just wonder how things might have turned out if I had stayed in my own home town instead of traveling way across the United States to live among strangers. I left ALL of my family to move here and I didn't have money to travel back & forth to see them, nor did I have enough money to call them long distance on a regular basis. I lived my life with little money, bordering on poverty most of the time, but richly endowed with fertility. My husband & I were both hard working people, but with three children it took all we made to feed, cloth and take care of them properly so that they never felt like they were doing without anything.

I also would not have met Jimmy unless I just happened to be in Oakland, California in June of 1957 and I don't think I was there, so I missed meeting him. It wouldn't of made any difference anyway because he just informed me that he would NOT have taken a second look at me. Yes I know that sounds cruel but you have to realize that I would have been 12 years old, just three months short of my 13th birthday and he was almost 21. I like to think that he would have noticed me, so I showed him some of the old pictures that my brothers David & Ron sent me but he still says that he wouldn't have. Now I really feel bad.

I should change the title of this post to: HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BAD
I think it's time for me to listen to my two favorite songs....

3 comments: said...
This comment has been removed by the author. said...

I delet my comment because of some mispelling.
Good Morning. I solved all my melancholy moments by being in love with the planet. That ended all the if's and placed me firmly at home where I was. Which always comes with someones idea as in, "The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see." and what he saw was the other side of the mountain.
I also had that dilemma when I thought of mom and the only way to comprehend her whereabouts was that she was on the planet no matter where I was at.
The Hippies had that saying of, "Where its at."
Writing is great and it works.
Thanks for writing.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Thanks for the sage advice. I do love this planet but I love the people in it much more and some more than others and I can't help but think of them from time to time.