Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A late night letter to my friend Gail

Subject: Can't sleep

I'm up at 3:00 a.m. because I can't go back to sleep.  It's really not so much that I can't, but that I feel that I should stay up and watch Jimmy as he sleeps.  I tried hugging him for a while and bad thoughts about him being gone crept into my mind so I had to let go of him and go get my iPad so that I could email you instead.

We went to bed fairly early, probably before 9:00 p.m. and fell right to sleep, but at 1:43 a.m. while I was having a bad dream, Jimmy woke me up by sitting up in bed.    Lately when he does this it means that he is sick to his stomach and this was no exception.  I got up and got him a box of Kleenex tissues to wipe his mouth and a nausea pill to dissolve on his tongue, and water.  His was again apologetic for being so much trouble and the same as many times before I assured him that he is no trouble....and he is not.  I'm not just saying that because I love him, but he really is no trouble late at night.  We are all set up and have things arranged for just such accidents as the occasional upset stomach, or the infamous leaky urostomy bag.  Now talk about a mess, the leaking urostomy bag used to be a big problem until we bought a really nice waterproof mattress cover.  Now it's just a matter of tossing the bedding into the wash and we're ready for another good nights sleep, or to continue with that nights sleep.  We don't have many major leaks anymore because the second that Jimmy or I feel the hint of wetness we both turn on the light and assess the situation and fix it.  When Jimmy was confused changing out his urostomy bag with a new one WAS A PROBLEM because I had never changed his and he couldn't remember how.  But we fumbled through it and now I can change one with the best of them.  Of course Jimmy is no longer confused and his main problem is being too weak to stand up for that long while changing one completely out, so I help him to make things move a little faster.

I'm sorry that I bore you with all of our personal details of life here after dark, but at least I was able to get my mind off the cancer for a little while.

While I was up helping Jimmy this morning I noticed that he hardly has any urine out-put.  I will have to check out his night drainage bottle in the morning to see if it is the same or less than any other morning.  I expected there to be more in the bottle because Jimmy has been on IVs for two days in a row now and tomorrow he is scheduled for more.  I haven't been checking his leg bag because he always takes care of that during the day but I suspect I better start paying better attention to his input and output.  We sure don't want his kidneys to stop working.  I will have to start carrying a brand new leg bag with me just in case he is admitted to the hospital.  The hospital  ones they try to put on him just don't have the right size connectors and they always have problems trying to rig something up.  I just ordered two more leg bags and they should arrive here by Thursday.  I also have a brand new night drainage bottle that I can take to the hospital if I need to.  The last time that he was admitted they asked me to bring ours from home but when they saw that it was old they didn't want it used there, so I have a new one in a box that has not even been opened.  At least I think it is all there.  Sometimes the tubing in his goes bad and he will just take that out of the box and replace it and if so I will have to order a new bottle with new tubing.  They don't sell just the tubing because I have tried to order just that.

So here I am at 4:05 a.m. just making small talk.  It's too late to try and go back to sleep now because then I will sleep past time for his morning pills.  Or I will sleep so sound that I won't be able to hear him and wake up if he needs me.  He's sleeping so peacefully now and does most nights lately that I have to put my hand on his chest to make sure I feel him still breathing.  He breathes so shallow and since he took that pill for nausea he is so still.  They make you sleepy when they calm you down.

I'm surprised that none of the cats have come to investigate the light coming from my side of the bed.  It's the light from my iPad and is the only light on in the house except for those red, yellow and blue LCD lights for every kind of machine we have in the house.  You can find your way in the dark by following those little bitty lights...and they seem to be everywhere.  You should see my new washer.  It looks like a Christmas tree when it is washing a load of clothes.  I often wonder if you really save energy with these low water savers and energy efficient machines because of all the lights that light up when you're doing a load.  They say that the little LCD lights are there to tell you that whatever device they are on is in a "standby mode."  I like the old fashioned "off mode" myself.

Well a cat finally noticed me and it won't leave me alone and is getting in the way of my keyboard, so I guess this is a good time to say goodbye for now.

Talk to you later on.


Sent from my iPad