Thursday, October 30, 2014

working on sleeping more

For the past year my sleeping patterns have been voluntarily interrupted and readjusted to fit our daily activities.  As I said, it was all voluntary and I did it to be able to spend more quality time with Jimmy.  I am so glad that I went to such extremes, but now that Jimmy has passed away I can't seem to sleep for very long at all.  A couple of hours and I am up for the rest of the day.  My days are spent like a zombie, walking around in a haze and being able to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation, text message or an email, but I don't stay asleep.  The other day I was typing an email when all of a sudden I woke up and noticed that my sentence started out fine, but then I must have fallen asleep and quickly started dreaming, and to my surprise I typed out my dream as it was happening.  Now, how weird is that?

My dear sweet Jimmy passed away on the morning of Oct. 10, 2014 here at home.  It was a very traumatic event and my life has been turned upside down.  I can't say that his death came as a complete surprise, but it was still an unbelievable event coming much too soon.  His death has still not sunk in.  My mind still thinks that he is just resting in the other room until a wave of reality hits me, and I fall apart.  I said that his death was traumatic.  I meant traumatic to me afterwards.  

Are any of us ever ready to say goodbye to a loved one?  Jimmy knew that he was dying and told me so, but I didn't want to believe that the time had arrived.  

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