(The dash between the dates is the most important part of Brian's life here on earth) .
Sometime after 6:15 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 26, 2020 my son Brian passed away all alone in his apartment in Berea, Ky. My biggest regret is that he was all alone when he passed and not surrounded by his family, or at least by me. He was with me when my husband Jimmy died and it's a shame that Brian was alone when he passed on.
My son died suddenly, and the way that I found him, he looked as though he died in his sleep unaware of anything. He looked as though he had just laid down on the couch for a nap. His hair was neat and perfectly combed and his fists were not clenched, nor his eyes open. He appeared as tho he was just sleeping.
I have gone over and over in my head of what I could have done differently on that Monday afternoon when I saw him for the last time. I should have gone back to check on him that evening but I didn't because I knew that if something was wrong that Brian would have called me, just as he had called me many times before when he needed me, or was worried about his health. He always called me if he needed help or if he had fallen down to let me know to check on him, so I know that on this particular Monday he wasn't aware that anything was wrong, except that he didn't feel well.
When I stopped by early in the morning on Monday Oct. 26 to take Brian to the doctor he wasn't feeling well. He felt really dizzy and his chest was hurting because of a recent injury. I drove Brian to his doctor's appointment, he was checked by his doctor and given a follow-up appointment. Brian was excited about getting his scooter finally fixed and wanted to stop at Tractor Supply to pick up some warm gloves and a knitted cap so that he could keep warm while riding. He had planned on riding his scooter over to see Reva just as soon as his scooter was broken in. He was so excited about this and also about him and I riding together in the next few days.
Our last stop, after we stopped at the tobacco store on that Monday, was at Save A Lot for groceries. By the time we got home he was so exhausted and very dizzy, so I told him to go lay down and rest while I unloaded all of his groceries and put them away. Since he had been checked over by his doctor just a few hours earlier I wasn't too worried. He asked me to bring him two Mt. Dews so that he wouldn't have to get up after I left, so I did that. I hugged him and we said our usual "I love you's" and I went home.
When I found Brian a few days later, those two Mt. Dews were still there. One was opened and half drunk and the other one was on the floor unopened. The carton of cigarettes that we got was still all there, and the two packs of cigarettes that he had were also still there, unsmoked. All the groceries were exactly where I had placed them, not touched at all. The only thing that I know for sure is that he got up and locked the dead bolt on the door after I left, and that he made a phone call at 5:15 p.m., talked to Reva, and attempted another one to Reva at 6:15 p.m. and got no answer......then there is phone silence from that point which was very unusual for Brian.
Brian was 58 years old and my only son. He was a mommas boy and we did everything together and especially for this passed year. He loved his apartment. It was the first time in his entire life that he had lived alone in his very own apartment and he took very good care of it for an entire year. He was very proud of it and kept it so clean that you could eat off the floors. He liked to cook and would bake pies, cobblers and cookies for Rick & I. We sometimes went for scooter rides together, but not often enough. Brian would ride over and sit on my front porch and we would talk and he would pet Jybow and Squeak. The cats loved him and he loved them too. Brian & I talked a lot and he missed Reva and his kids very much. He always had hopes that Reva would come move into the apartment with him.
Brian was very intelligent and was always studying on something. He had a thirst for knowledge and would dive in 100% to learn everything there was to learn on a particular topic that he was interested in. He was an electrician, an auto mechanic and an electrical engineer. He could weld, draw and he also had a talent for woodworking. He could carve anything he could imagine.
Brian bought a brand new 150cc scooter and began to rebuild it just the way he wanted it right away. We all thought he was crazy, but he loved doing things like that. He made so many changes to it that it was no longer the same scooter and it was much more powerful. He equipped it with a stereo system, two anti-theft very loud alarms, bluetooth so that he could use his cell phone (hands free) thru the scooters speakers while he was riding. He painted and cut parts, put extra lights to the point that he needed a larger battery which he had ready to install. He made so many changes to that scooter of his that I could never name all of them here. One day I told him that he should have just bought himself an old used one and just rebuilt it, instead of rebuilding a brand new one. He had enough parts in his apartment for two brand new scooters by the time he was finished and he planned on selling all the new parts he had taken off his new scooter.
There's no telling what Brian could have accomplished in his life if it wasn't for the pain that he was always in because of back surgery and a truck accident that crushed his hips. He was also a diabetic that caused him to have neuropathy in his legs. Right before he arrived on my doorstep in early November 2019 he had had stents put into both legs sometime that summer, and the same week he arrived here he had a partial amputation of his big toe. He could barely walk when he showed up on my doorstep one frigid cold November night in 2019. He stayed here with me for three weeks until we found him an apartment about a mile down the road from me. I was his transportation, so I saw him quite a bit, but not enough. I wanted to spend more time with him, but I was struggling with my own relationship and trying to keep things together here at home, so I had to divide my time. I shouldn't have ever allowed anyone to make me choose between my son and them, but I did, and that's my biggest regret in my relationship with my son Brian. I had told Rick that Brian was very sick, but Rick never seemed to believe me, because the longer Brian was here the healthier he got and appeared. Deep down inside I knew that Brian's time was short, but I never imagined that it was as short as it was.
I cry everyday for my son. My heart is broken and I don't think I'll ever get over losing him. At the moment I have possession of his wallet which smells so much like him. I pick it up and smell it every morning when I wake up and then I do the same at night before I go to bed. Tomorrow Reva and Brandon are coming over to pick up Brian's ashes, his wallet and the keys to the scooter. Brian will finally be gone from here, but not from my heart.
Brian was cremated and since his ashes have been here I have hugged and kissed the box his ashes are in and I even talk to his ashes every so often. Suzanne and I had a headstone placed out for Brian right next to his dad out at the cabin in Buffalo Hollow where they both called home for a while. A portion of Brian's ashes will be buried there and Reva will take the remainder and scatter some in the Licking River as Brian had requested. In the Springtime we will have a graveside memorial service for Brian. Hopefully this covid-19 will be better by then so we can gather together to celebrate the life of James Brian Hatcher.
Click Here to see James Brian Hatcher Obituary
No comments:
Post a Comment