I asked him to leave

He thinks it is all about him going to McDonald’s but it is not.  I'm not upset about that.  It’s all about the way he treats me when he is home.  I had enough yesterday and the day before with his ever changing moods, and I wish that he had stood his ground and stayed, but he didn’t this time, and for that I am sorry, and I miss him.

unforgivable......what do you think?

I did an unforgivable thing yesterday.  I had The Shop where my riding mower was repaired deliver the mower to my home at a cost of $35.  To 'one' this was an unforgivable thing for me to have done, and my reaction to hearing this was terrible.  I spend my whole days doing things that will please this person.  I stay home, I don't spend any money or run the roads and burn the gas, and up the miles on my cars.  I do as I'm told most of the time, and I thought I was doing something good by saving this person's free time by not having to go borrow a trailer and haul my mover home on their precious free time, that this person gets so little of.  Apparently I was wrong, and things quickly went down hill from there.  Today things are still on shaky ground and I don't believe that this friendship is going to last much longer.  I can't please this person no matter what I do.  I feel like such a failure and I shouldn't.

I also spent the afternoon yesterday cooking a special casserole that I thought they would love, but they wouldn't eat it, so I threw it all out in the trash.  I was hurt and I know that I shouldn't have done that, but I worked so hard to get this made, and then I went out and mowed the lawn.  I felt really good, like I had accomplished something good, only to be disappointed and cut down for having the mower delivered.  

My reactions to negativity and aggression against me are not good, but I just don't know a better way to react, so they will take notice that they hurt me, when all I was trying to do was save them time.

It seems that the harder I try to please someone, the worse things get.  Maybe I should be an a**hole and tell them to shove it up their a** instead of spending my nights and days crying over something that I should have gotten a thank you for instead.

Another reason to remember my brother's birthday, Aug. 24, 2016

Yesterday was a very memorable day with these spoken words by someone who will remain nameless for now, "I wouldn't have done that if I didn't love you."  Those words were not the exact quote, but they are close enough.

When you give too much in a friendship

What do you do with someone who won't commit to a relationship, but they want all of the benefits of a relationship?  They will only commit to being your friend, but nothing more than friendship.  This is the dilemma that I am facing at the moment.  

I love my friend, but they don't love me, and that's fine with me.  I can't help what I feel about them, but I just wish that they wouldn't put me down or tell me that I cannot feel this way, or they will stop coming around.  What's wrong with feeling love for someone even tho they don't feel the same about you?  I really don't see the problem.  

I'M SORRY

Been home all week thinking things over and how I over-reacted to things I shouldn't have even reacted to, as a friend. I need to stop taking life and people so seriously and start enjoying myself again. I hope that my friend and I can continue being friends and I'm sorry for the way things turned out between us.  I'm hoping that he will forgive me for the way I acted last Sunday.  It wasn't a very adult thing for me to do and I acted like a child throwing a temper tantrum over something I didn't even understand.  I would still like to know what it was that I did, but that's really not the most important thing anymore.  What is important to me is my friend, and I hope he comes back so that we can continue on.  I've spent these past few days crying and if I hurt my best friend in any way, I'm so sorry and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  He knows that I would do anything for him, and that I'm a good friend, so I hope he calls me and all is forgiven.

When you love your friends too much....

I got a good nights sleep last night and I'm feeling better emotionally this morning.  I just need to accept what has happened between my friend and I.  I always thought that friends couldn't hurt me, but I was very wrong, they can cut your heart out with a knife just like a lover can.

This is a bunch of bunk.....

Jul 24, 2016 Libra Daily Horoscope

Today is one of those days, Libra, where just about anything you touch can turn to gold. Especially in the relationship department! And we know you like that. This is all due to the Aries Moon in your relationship house. As much fun as you have in store for you today, Libra, just remember that not all Earthlings are feeling this same energy. So take it slow, but have fun with it. This should be a very magical day indeed. What magic are you hoping to enjoy, Libra?

Today has been one of the worst days of my life.  Not the worst, but a close second.

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July 18 - July 24 Libra Love Horoscope

Libra, this week is a social one on every front. The beginning of the week has you working at healing some relationships you have; particularly the ones you have at home. This may be family, roommates, or your partner. Whatever the case is, there is some TLC that is needed at home. Mid week, you'll be able to gel things over and probably find common ground to make future plans. The end of the week will send you more to focus on your dreams and what you can do to work at making them happen. Whether it means more money, another career, travel, or elevating your relationships, it's time to focus. If you are single and looking for love, you could very well find it this week through social settings. Keep your ears and eyes open because love could very well be just around the corner for you!

Looks like there might be something to look forward to this coming week.  Maybe a bright spot in my life again.  Beats sitting around crying all day for someone who doesn't care and just walked away without any explanation as to why.......

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July 18 - July 24 Libra Weekly Horoscope

Appreciate how far you have come within a relationship, especially so far this year. Joining forces with your partner in a spiritual project will bring you a lot of joy this week; together, you could do some good in the world.

There's hope in my near future, and without hope and prayer, what is there?

I don't know what happened last night???????

It's a beautiful Sunday morning.  The sun is out and God has granted me another day here on this earth of His.  I have yet another chance to do better, to live my life better and to help others in need who are not as fortunate as myself.  I'm not wealthy by any means of the imagination, but I do have a roof over my head and a place to sleep at night, which is more than I can say about some.

My weekend was going great, but something happened last night.  I don't have any idea of what it might have been, or if I said something or acted in any particular way, but my friends attitude changed and he became distant.  I can't sleep when something is bothering me or if I think someone might be upset with me, so last night was a very long sleepless night for me.  I tried watching TV,  listening to music, I even went outside and danced to the light of the moon, but I couldn't shake the sadness that filled my heart.  It's like a cloud that hovers above my head and engulfs my whole being.  It's a feeling I try to stay away from at all times.  I finally tried taking a shower, but that didn't help either.

So here I am this morning.  I just took another shower, I'm dressed with no where to go and no where to be.  I'm just here, surrounded by this blue cloud that hovers all around me.  I'm drinking coffee and again I sit here writing down my most inner thoughts for the world to read.  My life is an open book these days and I don't care who knows what I'm thinking.

Bullying

Some people like pointing out your bad qualities and faults all the time, but as for myself, I don’t like dwelling on anyone’s faults. I’d rather focus on their good qualities and compliment them on those.  Why make lists and bring up the bad things they have done in the past all the time?  What purpose can that serve but to make someone feel bad about themselves.  It's so much better to see smiles and to make others happy and feel good about themselves than to cut them down repeatedly.  Again, what purpose does that serve but to cause sadness and hard feelings.  It may be funny at first, and everyone laughs, but when it's done constantly and it's no longer funny, but harmful, it's called bullying.    

How did this happen?

One night we are out on a hilltop on a stormy night watching the storm move across the sky and just having the best time ever, and the next we are not talking to each other.

On Friday I got my feelings hurt and some things were said that I just couldn't brush off as easily as I should have.  Then as a result of things said, I retreated into my own little world of self pity on Saturday and I didn't come back to earth until Sunday morning.  I can't take criticism as well as I should, and especially when it is repeated over and over and pounded into my head so much that it makes me feel bad about myself.  I'm really a good person and I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone on purpose, so it is very hard for me to understand why someone would want to say things to hurt me all the time.  They do it in jest and think it's funny, but after a while some of the joking gets out of hand and all it takes is that one thing said that hits a nerve and really hurts.  I can't help it, but I have feelings and I'm easily hurt.

Sometime yesterday he left while I was in my own little world of self pity hiding out in my bedroom.  He didn't say goodbye, just left quietly without a word.  I hope he can forgive me for ignoring him because he doesn't even know what happened.  He doesn't even know that he hurt my feelings, and that I spent hours in my bedroom crying.  He has no clue as to what happened.  Only that I retreated into my bedroom and stopped talking to him, but he didn't bother to ask me what was wrong either.  Maybe he knew that he had gone to far or maybe not.  I just hope that he didn't jump into any wrong conclusions and that he calls me sometime soon.  After all, we are just good friends, and good friends always come back.