How many dreams are we allowed to have?
In our lifetime everyone needs something or somebody to dream about. Something that excites them every time they think about it. I don't mean sexual excitement necessarily, but what I like to call "a warm fuzzy feeling" of excitement. Everyone has some person or maybe even two or three, in their lives that they will always hold near & dear in their hearts and those that they will never forget no matter how much time elapses. Sometimes you never get to see them again, but that doesn't stop you from thinking about them from time to time.
Jimmy has his dream and although he doesn't want to admit it, I remember years ago before we got married an extensive conversation that we had about our lost loves. We had each lost someone we loved through no fault of our own. When the person you love falls in love with someone else there is nothing that you can do to change their feelings, love just happened with someone else and not you, and it's not something you can just wave your magic wand and wave away. You cannot make a person love you...it just has to happen. Jimmy told me about the time when he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. It consisted of what he called, "the happiest eight years of my life" and ended sadly for him. I'm not naive enough to believe that he doesn't from time to time think about those happy years and doesn't still care for that person. He will always care for her...he will always love her. The purest form of love transcends time and it doesn't just go away. You carry it locked in your heart forever. I believe that you can love more than one person at a time and still be faithful to the one you're with. The loves are different kinds of love and we are all capable of loving people in many different ways.
If you ever really truly loved someone, that love remains with you, although it may change as time goes by to a different kind of love, it remains with you and transcends all time and space. I think this is the truest & purest form of love you can have for someone, because with this love you wish nothing but the best for the person that you love. You want them to be happy, loved and fulfilled in their present life even though it may not be with you. You are happy when they are happy and you wish for them all the happiness & love this world can offer them with someone else.
Sometimes I don't think people are honest with themselves and they don't want to see the feelings of those that are closest to them or even the feelings that they possess themselves. It's viewed as a threat when it shouldn't be. Like Jimmy's attitude about getting rid of everything from his previous life before me. He thought that I wouldn't want to see pictures of his previous wives, so there are none to be found in this house. It's like his life began when he met me and I know this to be false. His life began long before he met me and I seemed to have liked the way he turned out. There was no need to throw away pictures on my account like they never existed. I'm curious, I wanted to see what they looked like and to hear stories about their happy lives together and to know where they went and what they did together. There is just too much mystery in Jimmy's life and too many years unaccounted for as far as I'm concerned, but he knows the whole story and I suppose that this is what he carries deeply locked up in his heart. When I come full circle with my thoughts I see why some things are better left unsaid. These are his personal dreams that I suppose make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I suppose will never be shared with me, but then I may have a few dreams of my own, don't you?