Abandoned once again.....

Rick came by and took a shower while Brian & I were gone to Cynthiana today, and he picked up all of his toiletries while he was here.  He took them all, as if he won't be back.  I feel a sense of dread and I'm crying as I write this.  He's not saying the right things to me when we talk on the phone either.   He won't tell me that he loves me.  He won't repeat it after me when I tell him that I love him.  
His absence is not supposed to be permanent, but I have this strange feeling that it is, that it's over between us.  I love Rick, but I feel that he doesn't feel the same.  We've been apart for about a week and he hasn't asked me to meet him or to go anywhere with him.  

It's time that I have to accept the inevitable, but it's hard to do, and I don't want to.  I wish things were different.  I wish he felt the same as I do.  I wish he loved me as much as I love him.  He never tells me that he loves, so I just have to guess at it, and with the events of this past week, and with him running out on me and leaving me here to handle things on my own, I just don't know how he feels.  

I feel abandoned once again and I have a very difficult time with abandonment issues.  I have felt abandoned by everyone for most of my young and adult life.  It's a feeling that I can't handle. 

Why doesn't he call me just to say, "Good night."  
I think everyone knows why except me.......