What does this say about a man who once asked me to marry him, but has never allowed a selfie to be taken of the both of us together. I have always felt that he was ashamed of me, thought that I wasn't good enough for him. He never once asked me to ride with him to McDonald's unless it was late at night and none of his friends, or his enemies, were there to see us together.
I have lived and loved this man for several years. I tried to spoil him rotten just to show him how much I cared about him. I have always told him that I loved him, but he seldom says those three little words back to me. He has made me feel used and unloved.
I tried to change his attitude towards me, by helping him as much as I possibly could these past few years. I want him to see me....the person who is willing to do anything to win his love over, but it's no use. When times got tough for me he left me. He went home only to say that he would return when I got things under control. He said that he would return when my son moved into his own apartment. If Rick would have stayed here, my son would move into an apartment sooner. Rick doesn't understand that by his leaving he caused me to feel depressed, unwanted and unloved, and when I am depressed I just don't want to do anything, let alone look for an apartment for my son.
I feel that if Rick really loved me, that he would be here with me helping me, as I have helped him. Rick is only thinking of himself and not about what I am going through. I'm going through hell without him. My heart is breaking and he doesn't even care. He doesn't even call me or ask to see me. Apparently all that I have done for him doesn't even matter. It doesn't even matter to him that he is still driving my Saturn and that I let him come here and take whatever food he wanted so that he doesn't have to spend anymore of his money on food. To Rick, it is all about him and it has nothing to do with me or how I feel. He feels as tho he has been wronged, but it was his choice to leave and I had no control over that. I had no control over anything that happened. It wasn't my fault that my son showed up at my door late at night with no place to go. I was just as surprised and caught off guard as Rick was. Any other man would have stayed and stood his ground if he loved and cared anything about me. I would have never abandoned Rick and I think I proved that to him when I was asked to cut him off as a friend by Steve. I refused to do that because I cared about him and at the time he was only my friend. Now he means more to me and I love him, so I would defend him and care for him to my dying day, but unfortunately Rick doesn't feel the same about me.
Things are out of my control now. I reach out to Rick and call him when I don't hear from him for days at a time, and it's as tho I'm talking to a stranger who doesn't care beans about me. I know that he is upset at being displaced and having to move back to his house, but that was his choice. I think he was looking for a way to leave anyway and he found one. The opportunity presented itself and he took advantage of it. He is just trying to keep me calm so that I don't demand my SUV and all of my tools back until he can find a car of his own to buy. At least that is the impression he is giving me, because I am dying to see him and to be with him and he is doing his best to avoid and stay away from me.
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