After giving me his notice and leading me to believe that he wouldn't be back until it got warm enough to pick up all of his things, I found him in my home at 10:15 p.m. when I returned home from visiting my son. He spent the night here and I think it was only because he needed to drive my Saturn to the hospital early in the morning to get his blood tests done.
He broke my heart the night before, just like he had done 3 weeks earlier. I was so heart-broken that I wanted to get drunk to numb the pain, but then thought that this was not a good thing to do, so I went over to my son's and we played cards for about 2 hours and then I came home to find Rick here. I was very glad to see him, but he was not glad to see me. He said that he had called me and left a message on my phone, but I never heard the phone ring and when I looked at it there was no missed call on it, but looking further I did see the voice mail message that he left. He accused me of not answering my phone just because the call was from him, but that wasn't true. I'm always happy to hear from him and to my knowledge I have never purposely not answered one of his calls. Rick of course is notorious for not picking up the phone when he sees the call is from me if he is upset or busy. He just ignores my calls.
To make a long story short, when he returned from his blood tests and having breakfast out, he wasn't very nice to me and he spoke very harshly, just as he had the night before, and that morning too. I told him that just because he was not being nice to me, that this wasn't going to make me change and I would continue to be nice to him. I took his criticism and snobby language for a few more minutes, then I couldn't take it anymore because it hurt so much to hear him talk that way to me, so I told him that if he couldn't at least be nice to me while he was here that I was leaving and going for a ride, and that I would stay gone long enough to give him time to pack up whatever things he wanted to take with him, and I told him to be sure and lock the door when he left.
I returned back home around 2:30 p.m. and he was gone. Again I felt like getting drunk to numb the pain, but I also knew that this never helps, so I shredded receipts of old bills that I had saved, and believe me there were plenty of them to shred. I shredded for several hours giving the shredder breaks from time to time, while I watched a series on Netflix called RECTIFY. I guess I finished around 7:30 p.m. or so and then I went to sleep. I hadn't slept in 2 days so I was very tired. To my surprise again, Rick came in at around 10 p.m. and woke me up. He tossed my blanket off the couch while I was in another room, so I ended up sleeping on a love-seat for a while, or maybe that was the night before. Then I woke up and thought that he might have gone home, so I got on the couch to sleep until morning. Then this morning I woke up when he opened the door at around 7:00 a.m. as he was leaving to go get breakfast out somewhere.
I think Rick believes that he is punishing me for something I have done....like having a son who needs me at the moment. Also maybe it was for leaving yesterday to go for a ride. Maybe he has been coming home because he doesn't really want to leave, but he has a nasty way of showing me that he wants to be here. He will probably not come home at all tonight, or come in after 10 p.m. I really don't know if he is leaving or staying at this point. So I guess I'll live my life as tho I am living alone, with some nasty bug that irritates me from time to time.
I didn't do as I was going to do and make this long story short did I? I have a lot of things on my mind and the stress of dealing with both Rick and my son together is causing me to have chest pains. When I am really stressed I get them and I know how to relax to get rid of them, or I thought I knew how. They're not going away so easily anymore. I do know what I need to do and that is to distance myself away from both Rick & my son for awhile before they both kill me. I don't mean literally "kill" me. It's just an expression, like "they're going to be the death of me."
Rick left me when I needed his emotional support the most when my son arrived, and then he left me again because my son stopped in and asked me to go with him to find him a couch. He threatens to leave all the time. He has left and threatened to leave so many times that my heart is closing off and shutting down. I need to protect my heart from getting broken again. It nearly killed me when Jimmy died and I made it. so I know I can survive this too. I'm strong and I'm tough and I'm about to be calloused......but I will remain nice.
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