It's Sunday and it looks like it's going to be another beautiful day. I have nothing planned as usual. Rick worked yesterday and he is working today too. I rarely see him now since I have decided not to stay home waiting for him to come home. Most days he doesn't come home until 5 p.m. or later, even tho he might get off work at noon. I'm not who he runs home to see, so I'm going to live my life and not put it on hold waiting for him to join me. The train has left the station and he's not on it......his choice.
I get up very early everyday. Usually between 4 a.m. - 6 a.m. so I have very long days. Yesterday I didn't have anything to do so I read my emails, found out what was going on in the world, and watched a little TV. I didn't want to spend any money so for lunch I fixed myself some very good bean burritos stuffed with two kinds of cheeses and sour cream. Mmm Mmm, they were so good. I then turned on Netflix and watched some episodes of Stranger Things and quickly fell asleep. I slept until the phone woke me up after 2:30 p.m. and it was Callie Agee inviting me over to play some cards with her. Of course I went and I won every game we played. I got home a little after 7:30 p.m.
Today I'd like to go see Sharon if she is at home, but my girls no longer invite me to visit them, so I don't go. Last year we got bedbugs from Rick's brother Tommy, and when I was recovering from my surgery at Suzanne's home I had an exterminator spray my house for bedbugs, spiders and any insect that might be lurking there, then Rick vacuumed everyday until I got home and took over with the vacuuming and cleanup. It has been since October of last year 2021 (that has been 9 months ago) since I have seen a bedbug in my house, and believe me if they were here they would be feeding on us at night. It's been months and not a one has been spotted. I search for them or any traces of them, but there is none here. You can't imagine how happy that makes me!!!!
Rick and I have been extremely careful and we religiously followed up with spraying every couple of weeks for several months and now we have stopped spraying so often. We still keep the spray around just to be safe, and I'll have the exterminator come every year now to spray just and to make me feel better. Besides, the spray kills spiders and stinkbugs too.
We are very careful where we go and who we visit, so I fully understand why my daughters don't invite me over. They're still not sure that I won't spread bugs to them. I know for sure that I don't have them anymore, but they're not convinced just yet and they may never be convinced. I think that it may take until next November 2023 that I might be welcomed into their homes again, but that's just a guess and maybe I never will be welcomed into their homes again.....nor will they come to visit me either.
So this is my life now. I feel like I'm living in a cocoon only allowed to visit Callie who welcomes me with open arms. I don't have too many choices of what I can do, so mostly I drive, get out and admire this beautiful world all by myself. I sometimes take pictures or have a picnic all by myself. It's lonely, but with Brian and Jimmy gone I don't have anyone to run around with anymore. Rick would rather not go anywhere with me. He just wants to sit for hours at a time at McDonald's or on the Sonic outdoor tables under the awning there.
Rick doesn't want me there at McDonalds's or Sonic either, so I don't stop by there at all unless I'm invited. I try not to even pass by there when I am out, so if I have to be around there, I go way out of my way to get to places that are near there. It's time consuming to go to SaveA Lot, to my bank or to Walgreens when I can't go straight to those places. And if I want a milkshake I have to go across town instead of just getting one at my favorite place, Sonic, who has the best fresh banana shakes and chili cheese footlongs that I love. It's ridiculous, but if Rick sees me he thinks I'm there checking on him. So I do my best to stay clear of that area where McDonald's and Sonic are located.
What a life! It's not at all what I envisioned my retirement to be like. I was hoping to be with someone who enjoyed being with me doing things together, but at least I am going out and doing things on my own.....this is something I thought I would never do, but I'm doing it.
The night before last around 9:00 p.m. I was called out to pick up a stranded person from the Emergency Room at our local hospital. She has kidney disease, is on dialysis 3 times a week, cannot walk and after spending all day in the E.R. she had no one to take her home. Of course I went, who would not go? I know her so I drove her home. She didn't live far, just on Slate Lick Road, but it was challenging getting her into the house. Her sister had to be called to help me and I got home at 10:00 p.m. Rick was clearly upset that I went to help her and even brought it up again this morning.
Rick doesn't have such a good memory and even tho he is not sick, he has been stranded several times, and has called me to come rescue him. He's forgotten things at home and instead of turning around and coming back to get them, he calls me and I take whatever he needs to him in my PJ's. He's locked the Saturn keys in the car a couple of times. He needed me to come to his house a couple of times and take him to work or to bring him to my house so that he could take the Saturn to work. He easily forgets that he sometimes needs rescuing himself. I know it may not be a medical emergency, but coming to someone's aid is no different. If you need help, you need help, period. I know that I have called Suzanne numerous times and she has come to rescue me and I'm forever grateful to her. Suzanne & Ray have even driven hundreds of miles at times, and not just across town like I had to the other night. I did hurt my back a little because Crystal couldn't walk or get out of my car by herself, but my back heals in a day or so.
Crystal sent me a message yesterday apologizing for calling me for help. Even that night that she called she was very concerned about my car and my back. She alerted me to pot holes and a ditch line and told me that I would have to go very slowly cause she didn't want me to damage my car. She called her sister to help me because she knew that I had hip surgery recently. Rick seems to think that Crystal is a non caring person and he was more concerned at what damage she might have done to my Prius. There was no damage done and if there was, it's my car anyway.
I don't go out in my car and say, "What damage or what accident can I get into today? Rick still blames me for the accident that I recently had when another car didn't see me and hit me broadside. It wasn't my fault. I can still remember Rick's first words when I called him and told him that I had been in an accident, "How's the car?" he said. He never once asked me how I was, if I was okay......NEVER. He just got mad that I had damaged the car and hung up on me. That's Rick! You can't imagine how I felt. I was shaken up and literally trembling, and no! I wasn't fine. I needed him, I needed emotional support which I got from both Suzanne & Sharon, but nothing from Rick. He literally hung up on me and was still mad and wouldn't speak to me when I finally got home late that night, after hours of driving the car slowly home, because the back fender was rubbing the back tire. He still to this day brings up the accident which he insists I caused just because I shouldn't have been out wasting gas driving around. That's how Rick thinks. It's perfectly fine for him to waste gas as he calls it, but I'm supposed to stay at home 24/7 according to Rick.
Not this girl!
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