The Influence of Music on my life

I get up early every morning, 5:00 a.m. during the week and a little later, about 7:00 a.m. on weekends.  This morning I'm up listening to music early.  Almost every song that I have in my Favorites list of music all have some kind of significance and are associated with those that I've loved and lost in my life.  Some songs I just like with no reason, other than they are good.    

I've always loved music and I've lived my life through songs.  When I listen to a particular song it takes me back to that particular time when it meant something to me and what was going on in my life at that time.  It may be that this was, Our Song, and I have 4 of those, even tho I have loved 5 men in my life, as either husbands or boyfriends.  Each of the songs I've listed for each man are songs that remind me of that particular person.

First there was my very first love, James E. Hatcher, followed by Delbert E. Marshall, James Wallace, Steve Leger and now Ricky L. Agee, and all of those men have a special song(s) associated with each of them, and sometimes more than one.  Sometimes they chose the song,  and as with my first husband and love, I chose the song because he didn't like listening to music until later in his life, and the one I chose is one he associated with me.

Songs associated with each:

Jim Hatcher, "He Stopped Loving Her Today," by George Jones;  "Chances Are," by Johnny Mathis;  "Oh, I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow," by The Spiral Starecase;  "Afternoon Delight," by Starchy & Hutch;  "You Are The Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder

Delbert Marshall, "I've Been Thinking About You," by London Beat; "Fields of Gold," by Sting;  "Turn The Page," by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band;  "One Last Cry," by Brian McKnight; "I Go Crazy," by Paul Davis;  "You Had Me from Hello," Kenny Chesney;  "I Told You So," by Carrie Underwood

Jimmy Wallace, "I'll Still Be Loving You," by Restless Heart;  "When You Say Nothing At All," by Keith Whitley;  "One More Day" by Diamond Rio;  "The Dance," by Garth Brooks;  "The Chair," by George Strait;  "One Friend," by Dan Seals;  "Don't Close Your Eyes," by Keith Whitley;  "You Had Me from Hello," Kenny Chesney;  "Kiss On My List'" by Daryl Hall & John Oates;  "Go Rest High on that Mountain," by Vince Gill   

Steve Leger, "Thinking Out Loud," by Ed Sheeran  

Ricky Lee Agee, "I Do (Cherish You)," by Mark Wills;  "One Call Away," by Charlie Puth;  "Love You Like I'm Gonna Lose You," by Megan Taylor;  "Perfect," by Ed Sheeran;  "Two Less Lonely People," by Air Supply;  "Amazed," by Lonestar;  "Never Gonna Give You Up," by Rick Astley;  "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You," by Bryan Adams;  "Let's Hear it for the Boy,"  by Deniece Williams

As I was listening to my library of music, I found that I had many songs that I associated with each of the loves in my life.  I had too many to list above, so I only listed a few.   

As I get older I'm finding that I want to share my own personal feelings about my life even tho some may not like it, but it was and is my life, and my feelings, and no one else's.    

The verdict is in: RLA (my friend) says that he doesn't think it will work out between us...........so

I'm taking one day at a time.  I got a good nights sleep last night and spent a short time with an old bf who I find enjoyable being around.  He always says the right things, and he managed to lift my spirits up, if only for the short time I was with him.  He always says that he loves me bunches n bunches, so that is always comforting to hear.  Maybe not so believable, but comforting none the less when I am feeling down.

I only consented on going over to see my old bf because he called and said that he was out of toilet tissue, milk & bread and I had some extra here that I wasn't using, so I took it on over.  Most of my current supply of food was passed down to me by another friend, so I just passed it a little further on down the line.   God wants us all to help each other and to share our bounty when we see someone in need.

I'm sure that I will be okay now that I have been told by RA what the problem was on Sunday morning.  If I would have known I would have acted appropriately and amused myself for the day (Sunday) without a problem.  But the real problem was that I didn't know what the problem was, and I became offended and I reacted poorly, and of that I am sorry, very sorry.  But sorry won't bring my friend back to me in the same condition that he used to be.  Things have changed so much, that I don't think that we will ever get back to where we once were, to that innocence of friendship.

I just have to turn my life over to God and let Him show me the way.  Let Him lead me in the right path, the path that He wants me to follow.  I'm sure that He has something great in store for me if I just have the patience to wait.  

I will not allow him to hurt me anymore

Informing an old unfaithful boyfriend that things are not the same anymore can be difficult to do, especially since he thinks he did nothing wrong and says that I should quit bringing it up because, it's in the past.  It may be in the past to him, but to my knowledge it happened on two separate occasions with two different women, and it was during the time when we were supposed to have been together.  So that isn't far enough in the past for me.  The way he thinks, if it happened yesterday, it's in the past.......He might as well say that if it happened in a different area code it doesn't count.  Makes about as much sense to me as that.

Anyway, I was telling him that I don't feel the same about him anymore.  That things in our relationship have changed and I have changed.  I still love him, but I can't trust him, and my feelings are different now even tho I still can't let go of him.  I'm hoping that eventually he will just stop calling me altogether.  He has already stopped coming over to see me and I did the same long ago.  I refuse to drop in to visit him anymore since I found out about his trip to Virginia with an old girlfriend.  He said that it shouldn't matter to me because it didn't work out for them, and that he came back to me.  Well, it does matter to me.  I won't be anyone's second choice and that is what I am to him.  He is only with me until something better comes along and he's gone again.  That's not the kind of relationship I deserve.  I deserve better.   He says he loves me, but he doesn't know what love really is.  

The phone calls are all that are left with an occasional visit now and then from him.   One of these days he will notice that I don't ever visit him, call him or am available, and then maybe then he will stop calling me altogether and maybe one day realize that he lost something that was very precious to him, Me.  I seriously doubt that he will ever think that way about me, or he wouldn't have ever stepped out on me in the first place.