Very Busy Day

My day started at 5:00 a.m. with the usual chores of feeding all the animals....mine, theirs and someone else's. Then cleaning up around the house and getting to Dairy Queen for breakfast by 8:00 a.m., followed by a stop at McDonald's for coffee at 9:00 a.m. and then the call came that Carson wanted me to come over and play with him, so I did that.  Then I met with Ron & Gigi for a very nice lunch at the Mexican Restaurant in Berea behind Wendy's.  I was feeling kind of blue today, but Ron & Gigi cheered me up and I went away happy and renewed.  

By this time the grass had dried, so I went straight home and mowed, then I went to Ace Hardware to buy some 30 weight oil for the riding mower and I filled up the gas can for the next mowing.  I then stopped at the Hatcher's yardsale and bought an electric weedeater for $5.   I can't wait to try it out.  All the weedeating is done for now, but I can always weedeat the neighbors side of the driveway.  That house is empty so no one will mind.  

Also tomorrow if it's raining I need to get out in the rain and dig around the drain pipe in the front yard on each end,  and make sure that the water will run through it and out the other side.  I'm tired of water standing in my front yard after a rain.  Jimmy always kept that drain pipe dug out so now it's my turn to take care of those kinds of things.  Today I dug a big area out so that I can swing the door of the shed way back when I am getting out the riding mower.

Another thing that I need to do tomorrow is to haul the dump wagon that I have filled to over-flowing with broken dead branches to the very back.  I also need to fix the front and back house gutters because they are still hanging loose from all the snow and ice that we had.

By the time I finish with all of my chores I won't have time to think of my situation or feel so stressed out.  I'll be so tired, but I will feel so good.  

Well, it's almost 11:00 p.m. and time for me to think of getting in bed.  5:00 a.m. comes early.  Good Night.

sleeping has been a problem

I slept very good last night and I think I actually might have gotten my full 7-8 hours for once.  I don't normally sleep that long, but I have not even been on a normal schedule of sleeping for the last 6-9 months, and definitely not on any kind schedule since Jimmy died.  I have sleep apnea and my doctor and I have been trying to work on getting me more than 2-4 hours of sleep a night.  She has even suggested medication, but I won't take any.  I don't take medications on a regular basis and I really would rather put that off until I am older or have a real problem.  I'm just not a pill taker, and I don't get sick very often.

I am meeting new friends all the time and it is surprising how many of my new acquaintances know my entire family, including my beloved Jimmy.  Living in such a small town it's not surprising that everyone knows practically everyone else, but what is surprising is on how much personal information they do know, and sometimes that becomes a little unsettling when you are trying to keep your personal info out of the conversation, like exactly where you live.  Not to worry, they already know and they knew the moment they saw you walk in the door for the first time.  Kinda creepy huh?  But that's life in a small town and you better get used to it.  I have just been out of the loop for so long that I had forgotten that everyone knows everyone else, and everyone's business in a small town.

The Sandman eludes me

I just couldn't get to sleep last night, so around 1:00 a.m. I finally gave up and got up.  I turned the TV on and watched several episodes of Pretty Little Liars until I fell asleep.  I woke up very cold and stiff at 5:00 a.m.,  crossways in my recliner with a cat across my belly and chest keeping me warm.

It's much too wet to mow today, and it's not supposed to be very warm either, so I guess I will stay at home, do some laundry and maybe vacuum and mop the floors.  That doesn't sound like fun, but as I've learned lately, life isn't always fun.

Just had a happy memory flash into my mind about a time right before I met Jimmy.  I would hum the song, "Mr. Sandman bring me a dream," and then along came Jimmy into my life.  

to be sad, or not to be sad?

Some light is beginning to shine on my gloom, and in fact the light is so bright that it is beginning to wipe the gloom away completely at times, and this gives me hope for the future.  It took a stranger to open my eyes and to see that all is not bad and that there is hope, and then my family just shoved the door wide open letting the light in and the gloom out.  I still retreat back into myself and all the sadness that I feel, but I've gotten glimpses that life can go on with or without me, and it's up to me to make that choice.

Saturday was sunny, hot and very nice.....

I'm feeling just a little more in control of myself now, and I stress the words, 'just a little more,' because I'm still fighting with myself about how to approach the rest of my life.  Maybe I should just concentrate on taking it, one day at a time.

I've been keeping myself busy.  Well, actually it has only been one busy day, and that was yesterday when I went to Georgetown, Ky. and spent the day with my Winchester family.  I really had a good time.  We took the boys, Myles & Jack, to see work vehicles, like fire engines, large combines, garbage trucks, helicopters, police & military vehicles of all kinds, ambulance, airplane, dump trucks.  The boys got to climb into each vehicle, pull on the levers and, toot the horn if they wanted to.   They loved it!  It was a large gathering of vehicles at the Georgetown Airport and they charged admission ($5) to get in.  I recommend this for all boys who love monster trucks, and for girls too, because I saw quite a few girls there too having fun.

After my excursion out with the Winchester family, I came back to Berea and visited with my son's family and then went on to visit my youngest daughter.  And of course by this time it was 9:00 p.m. so I stopped at McDonald's for a cup of coffee and to watch the news on their large TV because,  my reception at home is a bit jumbled because I need to move my antenna around since the leaves on the trees are sprouting out.  It's just another minor inconvenience, and I seem to have lots of those these days.

It's been a week and it's time to mow the grass again today, but it's raining.  Not to worry....it'll still be there when the sun comes out again.  I have lots of work to keep me busy around the house and I am really starting to enjoy it.  

Also, it's about time I start living again and come out of hiding, maybe.  I'm not so sure I'm ready yet tho, and how do you know when you are really ready, and safe to be out?