It's Thursday, I didn't get anything done today that I had planned on doing, but I did drive Steve to the grocery store so that he could get some groceries for his apartment.  That's about the only good thing that I did other than to deliver a payment to Rick's auto insurance company.  He works everyday, so it's hard for him to find the time to pay this bill during their regular office hours.

I do very little in the way of driving people around anymore.  it's not that they don't need me, but I am no longer as available as I used to be.  I stay home more these days and I'm enjoying it for the first time since Jimmy died.  I'm finally taking interest in improving my home thanks to Rick who has inspired me to do so.  He points out the possibilities of improving my home as cheaply and affordable as possible, and he is willing to help me get this accomplished.  I needed someone to push and to motivate me, and Rick is just the right person to do this.

Tomorrow I don't have to go anywhere, so maybe I will finish mowing the grass with the push mower, and then move the pile of cat litter that I conveniently dumped next to the house to another location away from Rick's sight.  He hates kitty cats, more than Steve.  I think Steve just pretended not to like them because he petted them way too much for someone who didn't like them.  And, besides that, Steve still asks about each of my cats and wonders how they are doing, and if Harley ever came back home.

Time for me to get ready to go to bed.  Sleep tight and don't let those nasty bed bugs bite ya!  Ughhhh!  

The waiting ended

I've always heard that if someone loves you, set them free and then just wait to see if they return or not.  Last week he returned, but this time I am wiser and I know that I will be hurt again, so I agreed to be friends.  I can't stand the stress of having an enemy.  It's just not in my nature to be enemies or unkind to anyone, so forgiving him and taking him back as a friend seemed the only descent thing to do.  For an entire year I tried to be his girlfriend.  I gave it my best shot but he still always left me, returning sometimes in a few days, but this last time it took a month, so I am a bit gun shy now.

Things have changed.  Circumstances have changed, but mostly I have changed.  I'm not the same trusting person that I was.  I've been hurt too many times by the same person who just doesn't realize how much he really hurt me this last time.  So for me there is no getting back together like before, because I don't ever want to feel that pain of a broken heart again.  I'll be friends and I'll do things with him if he asks, only because I can't turn the love off just like that, but it's not the same now.  Something has died in me that I don't think I can ever recover.  

Call someone who cares.....

After I talked with the man I thought I loved yesterday I wondered why I was missing him so much?  Why was I missing this man who thinks more of getting drunk than being with someone who loved him as much as I did, and is as wonderful as me?  Yes, I am a wonderful person.  So I have a different perspective this morning.  I don’t think that he can hurt me anymore because he’s not who I thought he was.  His mask has fallen off and he can’t seem to find it in all that drunken fog, but I have seen him and it’s too late for him to try and hide now and pretend to be someone who cares.

Looking to the future

I had a good day yesterday which I spent with a girlfriend, also named Sandy.  We ran lots of errands in her convertible, which is a little two seater Saturn Sky.  She was even given a free car wash from a friend of hers in Lexington.  They cleaned the whole inside and the outside too, and her little car looked so good when it was done.  This is the car wash that I need to take my car in to.  
We talked and shared things about what is going on in our lives at the moment and in our pasts.  Sandy is a Libra like myself, so we get along great, and we have from the first minute that we met.  She is in the process of a divorce, which she doesn't want,  and Steve left me again the day before yesterday, which I didn't want either.

I met Sandy through her dad who is a retired military man from two branches of our military services, Army and Navy.  I met her about 6-7 months ago when her daddy asked me to go with him to look at a new house that he was buying for her.  He took Rick and I because he wanted our opinions on the house, so when we walked in the realtor asked who Rick and I were, and we jokingly said that we were the Inspectors, and were let in.  

Sandy's daddy wants me to move into the house with his daughter, but I have my own house and although Sandy's is a beautiful new two story home, on a very nicely landscaped lot,  I would have to pay rent which would be an added expense for me, so I think I will have to pass on this one.  Besides I like living here.  I just don't like thinking about the needed maintenance and repairs on my house.  That's my only worry at the moment.

My life is finally beginning to look up, or maybe it is just the needed warmth of the sunshine that is giving me the strength to go on alone.  The days are getting pretty and the plants and trees are showing signs of Spring.  My outlook on life is changing, and I think for the better.  I enjoy alone time for myself now, which is something I have never enjoyed.  I do like hanging out with friends and the freedom it brings.  Maybe one day I will meet someone who is compatible, but I'm not out there looking.  God will send me someone one day, or maybe He has other plans for me.  I'm leaving that all up to Him.  The last time Steve and I broke up I prayed about it and turned my life over to God and left it all up to Him.  He brought Steve back to me, but Steve is gone again and there is nothing I can do about that.  I was more prepared mentally this time, knowing that our time together would be short, and that he would leave me again, but I was determined to enjoy every minute of the time I had with him while he was here, and I did until the day he left.  You can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be with you.  I learned that lesson a long time ago.

Now it is time for a new chapter in my life, and I'm ready to move on.     

Moving On

My life is finally starting to move forward, and I am no longer living in the past.  I have a new kitten named Little Harley and someone who is more dear to me as each day goes by.  I met him at the very end of March 2015 and we soon became good friends until June 6th when he tried to kiss me :)  Life hasn't been the same since.

Just out driving

I had so much fun yesterday.  Steve and I drove to Clinch Mountain on a whim.  We were just out driving and I decided on my own to drive him to Cumberland Gap and through the tunnel to Tennessee and back.  I would have driven him over to Virginia but I couldn't get into the outside lane to leave I-75 onto an Exit that went over to Virginia.  After I got back into Kentucky, I took Steve to Pine Mountain and we drove around there for a while.  I love days like these.  We both enjoyed our ride.

Re: My cataract surgery.....My left eye is healed, but I still have one more week of steroid drops into my right eye and it will be healed.  I had another post-op exam today and will have another one in two weeks.  By that time the eye doctor will be able to tell which type of eye wear I might need to read the fine print on medicine bottles.  Right now I can read normal print and I can see off in the distance very good.  I'm pleased with the out-come of my cataract surgery and now I can drive in the dark without any problems, or headlights shining in my eyes.